16. The Ballad Of Sam And Dale
On one Friday, two guys walked into my lobby asking how much a room would be for the night. They explained that they'd come from the bar and their ride had failed to show, so they were stuck for the night. One was sober and the other was clearly tipsy but not incoherent. We'll call the sober one Sam and the tipsy one Dale.
As I was looking up rates and availability for the night, Dale was going on and on about finding Jimmy—"Where is Jimmy? Have you heard from him? I texted him a bunch of times. Maybe we should call Jimmy"—and he was clearly annoying Sam. At about the same time, I quoted them a price, Sam told Dale to go outside and call Jimmy to see if he could figure out where he is.
Dale stepped outside the lobby, dialing up their friend on his phone. Sam forked over his license and credit card. "Can we do this as quickly as possible?" I gave him the normal canned response; “I'll get you into your room as quickly as I can.” The next thing he said stunned me. "I don't want him to know which room I'm in," he said, gesturing toward Dale outside the door.
“I see. I'm glad you said something; I would've given him keys too since you're checking in together.” Sam stressed it again. "No, I really don't want him to know what room I'm in. Can you please not tell him?" I responded, “If you tell me not to tell him, then I can't tell him. It's your room and you're paying for it, that's between you and the hotel.”
During this exchange, I was executing the check-in as fast as I could. I super compressed my spiel into a few seconds, stripping out all but the bare basics. I gave him his keys and, grabbing them hurriedly from my hand, he sprinted across the lobby to his room via the alternate exit.
A mere 30 seconds later, Dale came back in, noticed that Sam was gone, and asked me where he went. I said, “He's not with you? Hmm, I wouldn't know sir.” Confused, he asked, “Did he buy a room or not? Where is he?” Remembering what Sam told me, I just said, “I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid I wouldn't know where he is right now. Maybe try calling him?”
He was not buying my lies: "I know he bought a room. Did. You. Give. Sam. A. Room. Or. Not?" I shrugged: “I'm sorry, if I had I wouldn't be able to divulge that information.” This kicked off a literal five-minute back-and-forth of Dale repeatedly asking me which room Sam was in, and me repeatedly refusing to give him any details.
I don't know why he fled from this guy, but it was my job to defend his privacy, so the dude didn't get anything from me. During this exchange, a cab pulled up in front of the lobby and in came Jimmy who smelled terrible. The cabbie was also with him—we'll call him Cabbie. Cabbie came to the desk and informed me as impolitely as possible that I needed to contact Sam and let him know his ride had arrived.
This gave me an imperceptible moment of pause because I knew that Sam was, in fact, waiting for a ride, but I also knew that he had expressly forbidden release of his whereabouts to these disreputable characters. I decided to keep my mouth shut about Sam's whereabouts. Cabbie laid into her own demands that I released Sam's information, which I refused to do.
At some point, she started cussing me out. She informed me that Sam had no money and couldn't pay for his room anyway. "That card he gave you is no good!" Of course, this was laughable because no guest could check-in without their cards being authorized. When this tactic failed to scare me, she demanded to speak to a manager. I replied with my favorite showstopper: I am the manager.
She then stormed out while shouting profanities at me. "Come on, let's go." They pulled slowly out of my driveway and made a slow lap around the building before speeding off into the night. For a moment, I debated calling Sam to let him know I just saw his ride.
I decided against it because he'd already bought the room and I didn't want to serve as an intermediary between him and his reprehensible friends. I thought it would be over here. It wasn't. 40 minutes later, Sam came running back into the lobby with his button-up shirt still mostly off and his shoes in hand.
He was still putting his clothes on when he told me, "Hey, my ride is here. Since I'm not staying here tonight, I'll need a refund for my room, okay?" I laughed and said, “I'm afraid I cannot refund your room since you've already bought the room and occupied it.”
"That's ridiculous! I'm not even staying here tonight, why should I have to pay for the room?" I calmly explained, “You've occupied the room for 40 minutes now. You've consumed the product, so I'm afraid I won't be able to refund you.” "He still wasn't satisfied. "What about your cancellation fee? Can't I just pay the cancellation fee and be refunded the rest? I'll be happy to just pay the cancellation fee."
“Unfortunately, our cancellation fee is one night's stay, and since you're only here for one night anyway, the cancellation fee is your room rate. I will not be refunding your room.” During this conversation, the cab showed up again and Cabbie, seeing Sam arguing with me, came storming back into the lobby. Jimmy and Dale were presumably still in the car.
A split-second before I got aggressive about putting a stop to that intolerable nonsense, Cabbie did it for me by yelling "Knock it off!" out of my lobby door. Sam quickly explained that he couldn't get a refund for his room, which triggered an almost verbatim repeat of the immediately preceding conversation, this time between me and Cabbie who was much more profane about it.
While Sam has retreated across the room to put his boots on, propping them up on my sofa, Cabbie informed me that I was being extremely rude and that her friend worked at the same hotel in the next town over. She said she has never heard of them not giving a refund before. I was a few words into the "Each hotel is independent..." when she cut me off.
"I don't care what your stupid policy is, you're going to be refunding Sam's room because he isn't staying here tonight!" I held my own and said, “I'm afraid I won't be doing that. He has occupied the room and will be charged for tonight.” Cabbie then said, "Then I want to speak to your manager. Get them on the phone right now." I just replied, “I already told you, I am the manager.”
"No, I want to speak to YOUR supervisor! You're gonna get me the district manager or corporate on the phone or I'll have you fired!" I just scoffed and said, “I'm afraid it's not up to them, and they would tell you the same thing anyway. I won't be calling anyone at 12:30 in the morning. I'm the manager here, and the decision is final.”
"You said your cancellation policy is one night's stay?" “That's correct.” "Can I have that in writing?" “No ma'am.” "Why not?" “Because you are not a guest here.” This really ticked her off. She went wide-eyed and spluttered for a moment before shouting, "What is your problem!?" At this moment, Sam finished tying his boots, took his feet off of my upholstery, and stomped over to the desk.
He took over the conversation now. "I don't consent to pay for the room because I'm not staying here tonight. You can't charge me for something I'm not even using." “Unfortunately sir, when you signed the papers, you purchased the room and agreed to pay for it.” "Can I see those papers then?" I pulled out his papers from the bucket where they had been filed an hour earlier and, stepping back from the desk so I would be out of his reach, I unfolded his registration card to show him that his signature was on the document exactly where he put it.
Reaching out for it, he demanded that I hand it over. “No sir, I'll be keeping this. You signed for the room.” "I am entitled to any document I've signed! Now give me the form! I promise I'm not going to tear it up or anything." “I will not be giving this to you.” "Can I have a copy then?" A moment's thought passes as I try to imagine what the authorities would say if they were called for my refusal to provide a copy of the form that this guest did indeed sign.
“Yes sir, I'll make a copy for you right away.” I had no idea if what he said was true. I didn't think he was entitled to a copy after he left the transaction, but I couldn't think of a good reason not to give him one. In any case, refusing to give him a copy of his agreement—especially one that was in dispute—would be dishonest. I made him a copy and but kept the original, which I slipped into a locked drawer under the desk.
I pointed out on the copied document the critical bits of information—the room rate and tax, the arrival and departure date, and his signature. After a moment, Cabbie snatched the paper out of Sam's hand and read it over. She looked at me sternly and informed me that she'd be calling corporate tomorrow. Then she stormed out of the lobby.
Sam sighed and addressed me in a plaintive tone as he turned to leave. "Well, I hope you have another job because you're not gonna be working here tomorrow. Good luck." “Have a good night.” They sped away again. I waited for a moment, then caught my breath. I quickly wrote myself a key to turn off Sam's door and ran up to his room.
Sure enough, the bed was turned out, the toiletries were opened, and someone had obviously taken a shower. How that qualified as "not using the room" evaded me completely. The story does end here, at last, with me adding the guest to our DNR list and double-checking the authorization on his card.
I still work here, and we have not refunded his room.
17. Tone Deaf
Each Sunday, the hotel hosts an afternoon tea for the grey set. This started after my shift ended. All was well when I left, but when I came in the next day, I heard about an older lady who had a heart attack and passed at the afternoon tea. My manager called me into her office, I assume to ask if I was okay, etc. Nope, screw that.
She actually said, with all seriousness, "Why did you leave so early yesterday? We could have used your help with the medical emergency. The other manager struggled to cope." I was SHOCKED. I bluntly said, "Are you serious? How was I to know someone was planning on having a heart attack and passing an hour after my shift ended?!"
She responded, "Well, you could try and make a habit of staying back a little in case we need help..." I noped out of that and walked out. I finished my shift exactly on time that day.
18. Does Not Compute
I was working a 3 pm to 11 pm shift last week. The hotel's restaurant and bar close early on Sundays in the winter because it's so quiet. Around 9:30 pm during my shift, this girl and her friend (a big bulky guy) came out of the hotel. He must have been the designated driver because he was stone-cold sober, but she looked like she had been drinking. As they walked for the door, I said, "Have a good night!"
She waved as she walked past the desk. "Heyyy hot guy!" She stopped, then looks at me. "You're hot!" Me: "Well thank you, that's very nice of you!" After a long pause, she staggered over to the desk. "So um...do you...have a girlfriend?" Me: "No, I do not!" Girl: "Oh! Well hey, I don't have a boyfriend!"
Me: "I do!" Cue the most hilarious five or six seconds of the week—she attempted to process the words I just said. You could almost see the "ERROR" message flashing in her brain. Finally, it clicked. Girl: "Oh! Oh, I'm...oops...I hope you and him are happy!" Me: "We are, thanks!" She staggered out of the hotel and her friend laughed. "Pay her no mind, have a good one man!"
Just too dang funny.
19. Double Booked
A large part of my job is answering phones and dealing with people who want to rent out our large function room. In our town, our room is one of the very few places available to hold wedding receptions, birthday parties, etc. The process for renting the room is quite simple. People ring up all the time and ask if the date they want is free.
If it is, we place a hold on the requested date for 14 days. If we don’t hear back from them, it opens up to anyone else that wants it. If they do decide they want it, they have to come in for an appointment with either me or my boss. We go through the booking form and help them fill it in. They then pay their deposit and the function gets written in the diary.
We don’t take deposits without a booking form, and we don’t take booking forms without a deposit. You have to physically come in and hand both over. None of this can be done online since we don’t have a website. Fast forward to this morning, when a bridezilla walked in with her mother. Me: "Hi, can I help?" Bride: "I’m here to pay the deposit for my wedding."
Me: "Okay. Let me get you a form and we’ll go through it. What date did you book?" Bride: "Tomorrow." The smile on my face dropped. Me: "We have a birthday party booked in tomorrow." There was no way she could have her wedding at our venue that day. Me: "Tomorrow isn’t available. We already have a booking." Mother: "You double booked? You’ll have to cancel the other booking."
Me: "We haven’t double booked. If you haven’t filled out a form or paid a deposit, then you haven’t booked the room. When did you ask about the date?" Mother: "Last July. I remember because we came in before we went for my birthday lunch." Me: "We only hold the date for two weeks. Someone must have told you that at the time."
Bride: "Yeah, but it’s a wedding." Me: "The same rules apply. If you don’t fill in a form and pay the deposit within two weeks, we open it up to everyone else. Unfortunately, someone else has booked the room." Bride: "I did it all online." Me: "You did what online?" Bride: "Paid for the room." Me: "Then why are you here today trying to pay for it now?"
Bride: "Uh..." Me: "We don’t have a website, so you can’t do anything online." Mother: "She can’t have the wedding here?" Me: "Nope, sorry." They left. There was no shouting and no anger at me. Nothing. She just casually shrugged her shoulders and walked away.
I was fully expecting the wedding party to turn up all kitted out. However, my boss saw her throwing a huge tantrum on the road outside of our building.
20. Dog Eat Dog World
Nothing grinds my gears more than when people try to exploit the service dogs loophole. This lady came in and wouldn’t answer the two legal questions we are required to ask them about their service dogs. She kept mouthing off that it was wrong to ask, which was a major red flag. She kept going off about how much trouble I was going to be in. Little did she know the tables would be turned...
Sure lady. So I went ahead and printed out the rules about them. She refused to read them even though I highlighted the parts where it says I am allowed to ask these questions. She kept saying "I have papers, here read them." Finally, she let it slip that it was a “comfort” thing. I was being respectful the whole time, but also stern.
“But I got let inside a courthouse before. I have a vest and certificate to show. I paid $40 dollars for it!” This was another red flag since training for a service dog is expensive! Yes, ma’am, you got let in because you purposely misidentified your dog as a service dog. She then said she forgot her charger in the car and never came back. People like her ruin it for real service dogs.
21. Come Again?
This was my experience as a guest at a hotel in rural Georgia. I was traveling for work and my husband needed to bring me some paperwork that I forgot halfway across the state. We are both men. Me: "Hi, I am leaving for work now. My husband is bringing me some paperwork, but I will not be here because I’ll be working. He will be here in about four hours. Can you please let him into room 123?"
Front desk: "Huh?" I repeated my statement. Front Desk: "Oh. So your boss is coming with paperwork?" Me: "No, my husband." Front Desk: "Oh okay, did you mean your co-worker?" Me: "No, it’s my husband. The man I am married to. We are gay." Front Desk: "Okay, I’ll let your friend in when he gets here, no problem at all. Have a good day."
I mean, I know it's rural Georgia, but have they never had a gay hotel guest? Am I crazy? Anyway, the rest of the hotel staff was very lovely. I just found this both confusing and amusing.
22. Make Like A Tree…
This conversation just took place 10 or so minutes ago. An older couple from Florida, maybe in their 7o's, was checking in. Woman: "Gosh...the trees look absolutely awful without leaves on them." Me: "You just missed our peak fall season. It was beautiful, but now most of the trees have lost their leaves for the season." Woman: "It's horrible. It looks ...depressing."
Me: "Yes, I can imagine that winters in the north can be a bit dismal compared to Florida." Woman: "I knew it was going to be cold. I expected the cold. I'm not stupid. But the trees? Are all of them going to be like this?" Me: "Most trees in our region are deciduous and lose their leaves for the season, compared to the evergreens." Woman: "But the ones you have out front are ornamental, right?"
For reference, the trees in the front of our property are flowering crab apple trees. Me: "I guess you could say that; they are absolutely stunning in the spring. Covered with flowers." Woman: "Well, why just leave them there during the winter when they look so horrible?" At that point, I kind of just gave her a blank look, as I wasn't quite sure what she was inferring.
Woman: "Can't you remove them? I really think you should have them removed. They look awful. It's upsetting." Yes, she actually said the trees were upsetting. "If they are good for the spring, just plant new ones in the spring, why keep these ones when they are done blooming?" Me: "Oh, well, those are full-grown trees." She didn't like when I said that.
Woman: "Is there a manager I could talk to about this?" Me: "I am the only one on-site at the moment. The owner will be present here in the morning when you check out." Woman: "Okay, they need to be removed. It's very ugly. Just awful! How is anyone supposed to be comfortable staying here when all they see out their window are things that look like THAT! Are you sure that they actually aren't dead? I mean....they really look like it to me. I think you should get rid of them. You could probably hire someone to come and do that tomorrow. And maybe when we get back to the hotel I won't have to look at them."
Me: "Well...you are welcome to make your suggestions about them to the owner in the morning. I can leave him a note about your concerns in the meantime if you like." Woman: "Yes! Leave him a note. We will be gone all morning tomorrow. I hope you get some pine trees so it will look festive! For the holidays! It will be so much better! You'll see!"
And with that, they went off to their room. They will be here for five days. I'm now just imagining the conversation that will take place when she returns tomorrow and finds out that we had not done something completely ludicrous like removing and replacing all of our trees for her...
23. Crossing The Line
This Booking.com guest (BG) called down at 8 am and said, "I requested a late checkout and I wanted to make sure that went through." It was weird because 1) there was nothing noted on the reservation, 2) we were sold out and not offering late checkouts, and 3) they were paying just $69 for their room. Me: "I'm sorry, but that was not noted here and we are not able to offer late checkout at this time."
BG: "I requested it online on Booking.com!!!" Me: "I'm sorry but that was a request, not a guarantee. Booking.com also didn't notify us of that request, so you should contact them if there was a miscommunication." BG: "I stay here every weekend and always get a late checkout!!!" Me: "I'm sorry, but you've only stayed here once before. We were nice enough to offer you a late checkout because we were only 40% occupied. Today, I am 100% sold out. So your checkout time is at noon today."
BG: "I want to speak to a manager!" Me: "I am the manager, and I am telling you that I cannot offer you—" BG: "That's just weird because EVERY other time, the manager on duty has given us a late checkout. You can ask her. When does she get in?" Me: "I am the only manager available today. Your check-out time is at noon, sir. If we weren't so busy, then I would just love to give you a later checkout time. But today we cannot offer late checkouts to anyone."
BG: "I don't understand how I was ALWAYS able to get a late checkout at 4 pm, but YOU are telling me that I can't!" Me: "As I've said, it's based on availability. I cannot offer late checkouts today because I am 100% sold out. And housekeeping staff needs time to ensure all rooms are clean and serviced. THAT is why you cannot have a late checkout."
BG continued to argue with me, but I was growing tired of her. Being cranky and not wanting to deal with it, I said, "Look. If you are going to make a huge deal about a late checkout, I will go ahead and approve of it just for YOU. 1 pm is the ONLY available time I can give you."
Well, rather than take the 1 pm time and thank me, the jerk continued to argue. BG: "I'll take the 1 pm, but if you call your other manager and ask her, she will say she has always given me a 4 pm checkout! I just don't understand why you can't give me that. I stayed here every weekend and you were NOT slow. You were booked up top to bottom!"
Me: "Sir, I’ve worked every weekend for the last year. And every weekend since July has NOT been sold out. I can tell you that right now. And I don't know how your information would differ from mine because you don't have access to our system to check availability. I am trying to be nice and help you out with a later checkout time that I'm not even supposed to be giving anyone. So at this time, this is my final offer. 1 pm checkout or nothing."
He then started yelling at me and calling me a liar. So I hung up. Every five minutes afterward, he would call back to harass me about why he deserved a 4 pm checkout instead of 1 pm. I'd repeat myself and say: "1 pm is the latest time I can offer you." He would then say to his girlfriend, "Can you believe this?” in the background.
The girlfriend would reply, "That's not what you said the last phone call!!!" By the fifth time he called down, I was done. I was tired, cranky, and heavily pregnant, having Braxton Hicks contractions. So I snapped as soon as they started. BG: "Yeah, I just don't get it. Why can't we have a 4 pm checkout?" Me: "Okay, you know what, sir? You are just calling down to harass and disrespect me at this point and I am not okay with this. I've gone above and beyond by at least offering you a 1 pm checkout since it is that important to you."
"But since you don't want to take that offer and continue to call down every five minutes just to be rude to me, I am taking my offer back. You must now leave the property. You have 30 minutes to gather your things and leave. Failure to leave will result in officers escorting you out of the hotel. We do not want your further business and I will be sure to let Booking.com know that you were being rude and disrespectful by calling me a liar even after trying to help you out."
"I will urge them to ban you from ever booking a reservation at our hotel again, so please do not come back. Our system will also cancel any reservation you book with us outside of Booking.com. Thank you and have a great day." Click. I didn't hear back from them, but I did see an angry dude grumbling something to himself while getting a luggage cart. I called the room 45 minutes later and there was no answer.
24. Wrong Place, Right Time
Night auditor. This big ol' facepalm happened a couple of nights ago. A dude came down around 2 am, on his phone, pacing back and forth. I poked my head out of the office and asked him if I could help with anything. He said, "Naw, I'm just trying to find my girlfriend. We left the casino and agreed to meet back at the hotel, and she said she'd be in the lobby, but ... "
Both of us looked at the empty lobby. I said what I knew he was thinking out loud: "...Clearly, she's not." "Right," He replied. I told him that I'd be around if he needed anything specific. The conversation continued, and eventually, I got to hear his side: "Babe?...No, Babe, I'm in the lobby, you're not. Babe?...Babe. No, babe, I'm in the lobby...Okay, honey, I am literally standing where you paid the bill for our hotel room. Ya. I'm standing here, with the night clerk...Yup, I am staring at our car. So, where are you?...No? We can't BOTH be in the lobby."
At that point, I suggested to him that perhaps she was in our south building. He walked down then came back, still on the phone. "No, I don't know where you are either...Nope...Ya know what? Just stay where you are, wherever you are. I'm going to find you...No, I'm not driving. Yes, I know, I know...Because I'm going to find you and get you back here before you wind up in China or something."
The dude took off on foot and I guess he just started visiting hotels. He returned 45 minutes later. On the vestibule phone, he said he found her at The Sandman, a property about 10 minutes south of us. He led her, a very pretty blonde lady, towards the elevator. As they walked, he asked her, "So, does this look a bit more familiar?" "Yeah..." she replied, dreamily. "Ya know, I wondered why my room key wouldn't work..."
...I'll bet you did, lady. I'll bet you did.
25. Lovely In All Languages
Today, I wanted to share a story about a guest of mine who was so sweet it made me cry. This booking came in a few weeks ago with a note attached to it, saying that the guest will be traveling with their deaf father. It was included just so that we would be aware when dealing with them when they arrived as they would be staying for a number of days. His daughter wanted to make his trip to Ireland as smooth as possible.
Upon seeing this note and noting that I would be the one to check them in, I decided to learn some very basic sign language. I greeted the guest in my usual fashion, asking for the surname on the booking. Once I heard the name, I realized immediately who was standing in front of me. I knew what I had to do.
I had been learning how to say "Welcome to Ireland" for the past two weeks. My sign language was terrible, but I told them if they needed anything during their stay to just let me know. I smiled at the father and daughter in front of me. Then, I turned to the father and I greeted him in ASL, doing the bit I had learned for him.
His daughter broke down crying and called me sweet. The father also smiled and was so happy. Honestly, seeing his reaction was enough for me. It was so worth the last few weeks of learning basic ASL. On check-out, I sadly wasn't working, but they had left a gift for me. A small box with some chocolates and a book on ASL.
Inside was a note, and its contents broke my heart. The inscription read, "Thank you so much for what you did on check-in. My father has been in amazing form since you checked us in and insisted we get you a gift before we left. You have no idea how much this meant to my father and me and we can't thank you enough. You've made his trip home to his family after 50 years very special with one simple gesture."
They wrote a letter to the general manager also asking to give me a raise, which I really appreciated. And they gave us an amazing review on Trip Advisor. I cried like a little baby for a solid five minutes when I came into work today to find this gift in my locker.
26. Once In A Blue Moon
Two days ago, I checked in a unicorn. It was magical. The unicorn came up to the desk, with his ID and credit card in hand. He just gave them to me. He was super top-tier—he booked with a fancy credit card and all. But there was an issue with his reservation. When he called his brand rep, the agent messed up his rate code.
It could have been a big problem but I just redid the training. “Not to worry! Take your time,” said the unicorn. Oh my God, y’all. He didn't yell at me. My lead and I couldn’t fix his rate code, so we jerry-rigged all his benefits onto his reservation. He was as happy as a clam. He thanked us profusely and asked where he should go for dinner. I suggested a fun tapas restaurant just across the way. He was delighted.
He called down from his room saying that he loved his view. He loved how quiet his suite was. He was excited about dinner. At breakfast, he said the restaurant was amazing and he called me an angel. I may have floated. Then, the unicorn checked out and waved goodbye. A charge hadn’t come through from lunch yet, but he reacted in such an unexpected way—told me not to stress and to just email him. WHOA. And then he left, just as happy as he came in.
What a lovely juxtaposition from the rest of the grumpy house of Karens. A real, live sparkly unicorn.
27. Concerned Citizen
A few weeks back, when we were completely booked, a guest complained about the smell of substances coming from a room. I asked them which room they thought it was coming from, and I made my way there. I went up to the unit and knocked on the door. There was a group of like eight or nine people, and they were definitely having a party. I told them someone reported the smell and I asked if they had anything.
The room didn't smell strongly of it, but it definitely seemed like they had some. They assured me they didn't, and I left it at that. I wasn't allowed to search the room and they were keeping quiet, so I just apologized and left. About 10 minutes later, the same guest called down to complain again, except this time he said, "I know you probably can't call the authorities, but I can if you want."
"No, sir, I do not need you to call the authorities on that guest. I will check on them again." "I can do it, just let me know." Honestly, this time I just did a walk-by of the room; I still couldn't smell anything, and in my hotel, you can usually smell everything. I went back down and relaxed for a few minutes when a guest walked into the lobby. "Do you need anything, sir?"
"No, I'm just waiting on someone." I recognized his voice as the guest who'd been calling down. About 20 minutes went by and one of my city's finest, whom I know because he had been at the hotel for other problems before, walked in and said he got a call. "I didn't—" "That was me!" said this jerk.
"I think there's someone puffing up next to me and this fellow isn't doing anything about it." The officers went up, spoke to the guests who I'd already spoken to, then came back down. I asked them if they found anything, but of course, they didn't. I apologized for wasting their time. One of the things we have guests sign is a paper saying that if they cause a disturbance to other guests, we reserve the right to ask them to leave.
This includes loud noises, verbal or physical harassment, and basically, anything we feel violates the safety or well-being of another guest. So I asked the officers to stick around for a minute—and I got my revenge. I called the guest who had called them and informed him he had violated our disturbance policy and needed to leave.
Of course, he fought back and started yelling at me over the phone. I asked the officers to accompany me up to the room, and together we walked the guy out of my hotel. He should've just listened to me in the first place. By the way, the guests who had been bothered were very understanding. Management compensated them on the next day that they were in. They didn't have a problem with us at all.
28. Sugar Pie Hunny Bun
It was a little after midnight. I was in the back finishing up my audit when I heard someone walking up to the desk. Before I could get up, this 50-year-old man slapped on the desk and shouted, "Hey honey! Are you back there, darling?" I assumed he was looking for my co-worker from the 3 pm to 11 pm shift, who was a pretty, small blonde girl.
For what it’s worth, I’m a grizzly-looking man. As I got up, he called again: "Sweetheart?" As I rounded the corner, I replied, "Right here, sugar." I'd never seen a grown man curdle like milk in 1.5 seconds. He then quickly and quietly bought a few things from the market, and then I told him, "Have a good night, pumpkin” as he made his way to the elevators. I then returned to work, but not before I took a quick break to laugh.
29. Booked And Busy
I work for one of the most recognizable hotel brands in the world and we have a few of them in town. This happened over a year ago. My former colleague was trying to find a reservation that was not traceable. No matter which name the guest gave us, nothing would show. I was working with her on this particularly busy, sold-out Friday night.
My colleague (we'll call her Jane) dealt with this lady, but I was sorting out other things on our system to ensure that we didn't mess anything up after checking in a lineup of guests. This is how I remember it: Jane: "Is your reservation possibly at the other hotel?" Lady: "No. It's here. I booked here."
Jane: "Okay...after opening my search parameters, I can't seem to find anything. Let me just give them a call to verify. "Lady: "Absolutely not. I booked here so you're going to find my reservation." Jane: "Okay, I forgot to ask, do you have a confirmation number?" Lady: "No, but I booked here." Jane: "Did you get a confirmation email sent to you?"
Lady: "I might have. But it doesn't matter because I booked here." Jane: "Okay, well, I'm going to call the other hotel." Lady: "No! I know I booked here. I have my family with me and we specifically booked this hotel." Jane: "As I said before, I can't find it. And we're sold out, so I will not be able to accommodate you until I figure out that your reservation is being held here."
Lady: "Well, it must be your system. You're going to make it work even if my reservation didn't show up." As this lady kept freaking out at Jane, repeatedly saying that she booked here over and over, I took it upon myself to call the other hotel while she was not paying attention. The lady noticed me and I was already on the phone with them before it was too late.
I just remember how wide her eyes got as the conversation I was having with the other hotel was transpiring. I'm sure you can guess what they told me. Me: "Lady, I just verified with the other hotel, and your reservation is, in fact, at the other hotel." The lady didn't say a single word and walked out the door. Pride is a tough thing to swallow.
30. Unplugged, Unreasonable
Our hotel is at the end of the road in a national park. There’s no Wi-Fi, no cell service...not even any AM radio. Our lone amenity is our location. We advertise the fact we have no amenities on our website. It’s a "Enjoy an unplugged experience free from modern distractions!" type of place. One time, this guest came up, furious about the lack of Wi-Fi.
On top of that, they were expecting DVDs to borrow from the front desk, but there wasn't even a TV in his room. He said, "How are they supposed to entertain themselves and their children?" Blah blah blah. I helpfully pointed out that our gift shop had playing cards and board games. Their response was shocking. I am quoting verbatim: "You expect me to spend time with my children?"
I've never seen somebody voice so much horror and disgust into such a compact sentence.
31. A Taste Of Her Own Medicine
I finally did it. I stood up for myself. I had an angry Karen harassing me and I straight up told her she'd be denied service. She told me I couldn't do that, and I told her we had the right to deny service and that I was exercising that right. She pulled out her phone, hoping the threat of her showing it to my boss would get me to submit.
I told her on camera that she couldn't harass the staff. She went off about how she couldn't wait to show this to management. I told her to have a great night. Of course, she put the phone down so she wouldn't record the things she'd say afterward. I told her to have a great night even after that. Then, the unexpected happened.
She just gave up and left. I didn't get in trouble. I hope denying service to these Karens becomes a norm. They're only this bad because we allow them to be. They've likely done it before and still got rewarded with apologies, rewards points, and free breakfasts. Service denial is a RIGHT and we should use it. Treat employees better.
32. It’s Too Early For This
I'm a night auditor and a front desk associate at a hotel next to a mid-sized airport. I deal with lots of dumb stuff, but this one took the cake. At around 4 am, a mom and her kid were in the lobby waiting for their 4:30 am taxi. Since I'm a night auditor, most of my job involves me just being there to take care of guest requests, so I bring my gaming laptop with me every night.
Most of the time, I just play some low-key music or documentaries, but after 2 am, I do some gaming. When the mom showed up with the kid to check out, the kid noticed my laptop. He asked about it, and I told him the make and model. The kid was obviously a little envious, but otherwise really cool. They sat in the lobby when suddenly, the kid was also interested in our lobby computer.
After getting bored of it, he whispered something to the mom and she whispered something back. Suddenly, the kid ducked behind the counter and started trying to play on my laptop. I politely asked the kid to stop touching my laptop and to get back to his mom. Surprisingly, the kid obeyed but the mother freaked the heck out.
"I'm sitting here waiting for a taxi and you can't let my child entertain himself on your laptop? I told him he can play on it until we leave." “No, I can't let him do that since guests aren't allowed behind the desk and this is my own personal property.” "He's just a child, let him have some fun while we wait for the taxi!" “I can't allow non-employees behind the desk, since other guests’ personal information can be viewed. This is company policy for all involved, and I'm sorry the taxi is taking so long to get here.”
"Well, I told him he can play on it to keep busy because he needs something to do. What is he supposed to do now?" “Ma'am, I understand your child might be bored, but that's not our responsibility. You're welcome to change the channel on the television to find something suitable for him if you'd like.” "Why aren't there any games on the computer in the lobby?"
The computer in the lobby is our "business center" and is stock standard, meaning it just has Windows 10 without anything extra installed. “That's a business computer and it's meant to be used by our customers for business purposes.” “Then you should install some games on it! If your hotel is going to host children, then it should entertain them as well!”
Thankfully, the taxi arrived as she finished her sentence, so she gathered her child and baggage before storming out. But the nightmare continued. Suddenly, the taxi driver was walking in with a receipt book, telling me we promised to pay for her taxi. This was false and completely against our policy. He easily accepted this, but the mom did not.
"YOUR WEBSITE SAYS YOU HAVE A HOTEL SHUTTLE AND IF IT'S NOT RUNNING, THEN I EXPECT YOU TO PAY FOR OUR TAXI!" “I'm sorry, but our shuttle only runs from 7 am to 9 pm. Outside of those hours, you are responsible for your own transportation." "YOUR WEBSITE SAYS THERE'S A SHUTTLE TO THE AIRPORT! WE TOOK IT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON!"
“Yes, when our airport shuttle is operating. We list our shuttle hours on our website, I'm sorry for the confusion.” The mother then started swearing at me, calling me names, and threatening to call my manager for about three minutes before realizing I wouldn't budge. That's when she gave up and stormed back out to the taxi. Finally.
33. VIP Customer
So first of all, I work for a budget hotel chain that overuses the color purple a lot. I was working the front desk and at about 11 pm, a middle-aged lady came in. Now, she didn't have a reservation and we have a general rule that if any night staff accept a reservation after the night shift starts, they would have to take responsibility for that customer should they cause any problems.
She seemed nice enough and we had a lot of empty rooms that night, so I thought sure, let's give her a room. Her total came to about $75 and she got out her card to pay. I watched her put it into the machine, as a few of our guests sometimes miss the little slot or try to swipe. She saw me looking and said to me, “Oh, yes, this my Halifax Ultimate Reward card. It looks smart doesn't it?”
Making idle conversation, I replied, “Yeah, I've got one of those as well.” To my surprise, the woman said, “Oh you must be mistaken—this is an exclusive card for valued customers of Halifax. They don't give them to people like you.” This threw me for a loop. Feeling defensive—and admittedly, I may have been in the wrong here—I pulled my identical card out of my pocket to show her.
This woman flipped her lid. “YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT, THAT'S NOT YOURS. YOU'VE TAKEN THAT FROM A GUEST. FETCH YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW.” I was utterly bemused by this turn of events, so I went into the back office to get the night manager, who couldn't quite grasp the weird situation I'd gotten myself into. He came out front and she went off at him.
Now, our night manager has been there for years, so he was used to this stuff. He just stood there while she ranted and raved until she was out of steam. Then he said, “I'm very sorry, but due to the attitude you have displayed towards my team, your reservation is canceled and you are no longer welcome in this hotel. Also, I feel like I should inform you that Halifax will give one of those cards to anyone who will pay $15 per month. You are not special. Please mind the revolving door on your way out.”
She gaped at us for a while and then left while muttering about complaining to head office. So yeah, definitely one of my weirder check-ins.
34. Bad Mood Betsy
I was working the MORNING front desk shift and it was a cakewalk. As per usual, I had lots of calls but no weirdness. Then this witch walked in. Her: "I just made a reservation in the parking lot." Me: "Alright, excellent! Welcome. How were your travels?" Her: "That’s none of your business."Already, we were off to a bad start. Not only was she an hour early for check-in, but she was pulling out that attitude for no reason.
Thankfully, my housekeeping staff is stellar. I had a room ready. Cool, no sweat. Me: "Sorry about that. I’ll just take an ID—" She then proceeded to slam the ID on the counter. Great. But when I checked the system, her reservation hadn’t popped up in the system yet. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, but never too long. I grabbed her a bottle of water and a little snack, then let her know it shouldn’t take more than a moment.
When it hadn’t shown up after 3-4 minutes, I double-checked the system, thinking she may have checked in online. Then, I got a hunch and checked the arrivals for the next day. Bingo. Me: "I’ve found it! Unfortunately, the reservation is for tomorrow and I see that you booked through Smotels.com, so I am unable to alter your reservation. I’m happy to—"
What I was going to do was give her options. It was a one-night stay, so my initial thought was that a call to Smotels.com in order to change it so she wouldn’t be charged up the wazoo in fees for the transfer. Please keep in mind that it's her mistake that she would like my help to fix. At that point, she was doubling down.
Her: "Fix it." Me: "I’m so sorry, I am unable to alter reservations of this nature but I’m going to help—" Her: "You can help me but you won’t. You have my reservation right there, why are we even talking about this?" We went back and forth for a few seconds. She had no idea what she was talking about, and the more she realized that fact, the more she doubled down.
She finally realized that if I just made a new reservation for her for one night, she would be charged for the second night regardless. Her: "I want the second night. Make it happen." So I made the reservation, instructed her to come down for fresh keys the next day under her Smotels.com reservation, and proceeded to write up an alert warning my fellow front desk warriors about the dragon lady in 302.
35. That’s DOCTOR Idiot To You
I work at a very large, very old beachfront resort. It is technically a motel, but for some reason, the word "motel" just bothers me. Anyway, our varying nightly rate attached to the 16 different room types is by far the lowest in our destination area. With that in mind, you can imagine the unsavory locals we often attract.
My front desk staff is accustomed to handling all types of crazy and each of them deserves a humanitarian award just for making it beyond week one of training. This is my favorite and most recent mind-blower. A female guest arrived in all her green-haired glory with a simple shoulder bag and a third-party booking for a one-night stay.
I'll call her GH. She had a little trouble at check-in when supplying payment for the night, particularly the required $100 incidental hold. If I remember correctly, GH gave a sob story to one of our newbies who eventually caved and accepted the incidental hold in cash...A no-no in our books, but I couldn't seem to get the newbies to grasp the purpose of a required credit or debit card payment versus cash.
A story for another day...Anyway, GH extended her stay one night at a time. She came to the front desk prior to the 11 am check out, forked over a handful of crumpled bills, and had her keys updated. Somewhere along the lines, she updated for two nights and convinced another newbie that a manager said it was "totally fine" for her to use her cash incidental hold towards an additional night's lodging.
Ummm, no. One morning, when reviewing some high balance folios, one of us figured out the mistake and called the guest to correct the error. She wasn't happy, but GH made her way to the lobby accompanied by a middle-aged man who absolutely did not belong in the company of GH under normal circumstances. But who was I to judge?
We'll call this unassuming fool MAM; that is, Middle-Aged Male. GH had convinced MAM that she was desperate. The only reason she was at our motel-hotel resort is that her horrible boyfriend had kicked her out! Without the assistance of MAM, she would be on the street, with no roof over her head.
We couldn't have that now, could we? MAM gladly put down his card to cover the nightly resort fee and the incidental hold. He inserted his card into the chip reader and proudly signed the documents as if he was a knight in shining armor! His comb-over and '80s style wooly worm attached to his upper lip did not stop him from puffing up his chest and escorting GH out of the lobby on his arm.
Whatever. At least I had his digits and signature. That was my only concern at that point. Fast forward approximately seven days—I was approached by a flustered employee who begged me to come to the front desk and deal with an irate guest who was disputing several hundreds of dollars in outlet charges. I first asked my list of questions: Do you have a signed card? Did you research the disputed charges and find signed copies for each?
Does everything look on the up and up? He answered yes to all of the above, so I headed out to the front desk. I am met with MAM pacing back and forth. "Good afternoon, Sir! How are you today?" MAM: "Not very good. Not very good at all!" Me: "I am sorry to hear that. How can I help make this a better day for you?" MAM: "Well, you can start by explaining to me exactly when you will be refunding me the hundreds of dollars charged to my credit card."
Me: "Oh. Well, I see here that a person staying in the room for which you placed your card as collateral has enjoyed several pounds of shrimp at our oceanfront restaurant. Was there a problem with the food or service, sir?" MAM: "Stop with this 'sir' stuff! It's DOCTOR! CALL ME DOCTOR!" First of all, how the heck was I supposed to know that?
Second of all, people who usually got THIS upset are almost always academics, never medical doctors. I just put on my witch face. Me: "Sir—excuse me—Doctor, you placed your card on file for all incidental charges and signed the applicable forms, giving permission to the hotel to collect all charges outside of room and tax TO YOUR CARD."
MAM: "But you didn’t tell me that meanT unlimited room service! I didn’t even eat shrimp! I wasn’t even there!" Me: "You did not give any instructions to restrict the charges to the resort fee only—" 'I was then interrupted by MAM throwing his hands up in the air, huffing, puffing, and pacing back and forth. Doctor, do you know GH?
MAM: "YES! I mean, I’m not sleeping with her or anything. I’m just helping her out. You guys were going to kick her out on the streets! What was she supposed to do when you locked her out? She needed a place to stay! These are tough times for her!" Me: "Sir, this is a place of business. I am sorry for her situation, but we are required to collect payment in full and an incidental hold for each guest's stay. You willingly put your card on file and signed for the charges."
MAM: "Well, who was she with? Was he a younger guy? Were they having fun? Did she look afraid? This is ridiculous and I am not paying for these charges. Where is your manager? Where is the person in accounting that can refund my money?" Me: "Sir..." MAM: "DOCTOR! CALL ME DOCTOR! Me: "Excuse me, 'doctor,' I AM that manager and I AM 'that person from accounting' and I will not be refunding these charges."
MAM: "I’m going to call my lawyer!" Me: "Please do. Here is my card. Have them call me directly and I will provide them with the appropriate paperwork, all of which contain your signature and your approval for these charges." MAM: "Well, can I at least get a key? She won't even let me in the room!" Do you see what is happening here, friends?
It was kind of sad at that point. MAM had been duped by GH and needed someone to blame. Not only did she eat pounds and pounds of shrimp with her real-life boyfriend, but she also tipped the bill! TWICE! I spoke to the staff over at Food and Beverage, asking them to make me aware of all instances where a guest tipped the bill in excess of $50.
Regardless, this lady was a baller. But back to the conversation at hand. Me: "Your name is not on the reservation or the room. I cannot give you a key. I am sorry." MAM: "I am going to leave terrible reviews on every website I can find! Terrible reviews." Me: "That is perfectly fine. You do that. I will have every single review removed as you are not a registered guest here."
MAM stormed out of the hotel lobby. I shouted after him, "Have an excellent day!" then instructed the peanut gallery cackling in the back to note the folio. Under no circumstances was anyone to refund the guy a dime. I asked security to inform GH that it was time for her to go. This pleasant exchange with MAM combined with the fact that she had been kicked out of the hot tub late at night on two separate occasions with two different gentlemen convinced me of what was going on here.
GH didn’t put up a fight. She was rather pleasant, actually. We might not be a high-class hotel, but it is not an hourly-rate place either, so I stuck to my convictions and asked her to pack up her belongings. She politely accepted the marching orders. Weird. Ten minutes after, MAM required my presence at the front desk. I took a deep breath and walked back up to the front. I already knew what was coming...
Me: "Yes, Doctor?" MAM: "I want to take care of this calmly and professionally. I do not want GH out on the street. I’ve already paid for the room for two more nights. Can’t she stay? She is just my friend and is down on her luck. Very sweet girl...I am not sleeping with her or anything. Just helping her out." Me: "Um, no. You have made it very clear you will not pay and I cannot knowingly add charges to your card after this conversation."
MAM: "But I paid for it! Can’t she just stay? Can't we just put the room on here, not unlimited room service?" I used that moment as my opportunity to get further acceptance of payment responsibility to all prior charges. I had him sign a credit card authorization form plus a written agreement to all charges previously posted to the room. I made him sign every single room charge receipt.
I let her stay. If he was that much of an IDIOT to buy her lies, it wasn’t my problem. As I finished the mountain of paperwork I required of him, he proceeded to tell me he was a published quantum physicist. He rattled off a list of varying degrees and then told me he would be running for President in 2020. Sure, buddy.
By the way, GH and MAM were caught later that night in the hot tub and asked to leave the property for repeated violations. Their room was a dump when they left and we hit MAMs card for another $250 in cleaning charges. I am proud to say that I definitely obtained his signature of responsibility for this charge while he ranted on about his quantum theory of collective consciousness. What a douche.
36. Sorry, Wrong Number
So a few minutes ago, our janitor came to the front desk and said, "Um...there's someone calling on the elevator?" I was like, "What do you mean? There's someone stuck in the elevator?" Which, you know, wouldn't have been the first time, but still. He replied, "I don't know, but they're talking on the speaker." So I went to the elevator and stepped inside.
Sure enough, there was a lady's voice on the speaker going, "Hello? Can you hear me?" I said, "Yes, I can hear you. Are you okay?" I started thinking that maybe she was stuck in the other elevator and had somehow managed to call the one beside it. Then, I found out the odd truth. She said, "Yeah, is this Windsor Arms?" I'd like to speak to someone about making a reservation."
Okay... WHAT? "Ma'am, you've reached the elevator." "I what?" "You've called the elevator on our property. May I ask what number you called?" She then listed off a number that was in no way similar to our front desk number and wasn't one I'd ever heard before. Turned out, she called 411 for Information and the number THEY have on file goes directly to our freaking ELEVATOR for some reason. What the heck.
37. All In The Family
My wife unexpectedly delivered our third daughter in a standard two-queen hotel room last Monday night, and we made the front page of the local paper. For some background, my wife was 38 weeks pregnant with our third kid. The first two were both delivered by C-sections, and our local hospital doesn't entertain VBACs (canal birth after cesarean), so for the whole pregnancy, we planned on traveling to a city just shy of 100 miles away that's more VBAC-friendly.
We also planned to have the baby at a birth center with a midwife, using the hospital as a backup. 11 days before the due date, my wife had her weekly Monday appointment with her midwife. The midwife checked her and said my wife wasn't in active labor, but we could expect the baby to come within the next day, or day and a half." She recommended that we gather our stuff and head to the other city at a more relaxed pace than do so in a panicked rush.
We brought our four- and five-year-olds with us, expecting to call grandma a bit closer to go-time to come over and watch them. We made the drive and got to town around 5 pm, grabbed coffee, went out for a leisurely dinner, and checked in with the midwife, who then told us to check into a hotel and get some rest. Still no active labor at that point, but she said, "I don't think we'll send you home tomorrow with an empty car seat."
I picked a hotel less than five minutes from the birth center and we checked in around 8 pm. We brought waterproof pads inside in case her water broke or something, and we had things ready in case we needed to get out in a hurry. I got the ladies—our kids and my wife—down to bed at 8:30 pm and I texted my parents to expect a new grandbaby sometime the next day.
20 minutes later, my wife's water broke. I called the midwife to got her headed to the birth center. I threw our stuff and the kids into the van, dodging other guests who were slowly meandering their way down the hall or pushing their luggage cart in through a side door that wasn't meant for those carts. I finally got back to the room to help my wife.
She said she couldn't move because the baby was coming at that very instant. I called the midwife and redirected her to the hotel that we were staying at while frantically getting more pads down on the floor. I rearranged the furniture to create as much space as I could, and....freeze. I just remembered the kids were left alone in the van. My wife was trying to push our next kid out, and I had no clue what to do.
Luckily, I didn't have to wait long for the midwife to show up and she was even able to get her birth assistant to the hotel as well. We set up near the window as there was a bit of space there, but the darn heater kept kicking on and blowing air right at my wife. In between pushes, I brought the kids in and grabbed them snacks to keep them from melting down while we have this baby.
Thank God the midwife knew what she was doing—after some time, we brought our little girl into the world. It was at 10 pm, just an hour after everything started. The assistant visited the front desk to get more towels but still hadn't let them know that we just had a baby in there (I'm guessing to prevent the front desk from calling an ambulance and bringing in even more chaos).
Grandma showed up around 11 pm and I headed to the lobby to meet her. I looked at the front desk lady and she asked me how it was going. "Exciting," I said. "I don't know how many times you've heard these words, but my wife just delivered a baby in your hotel." The front desk lady said, "Wait, really? Wow! Do you need me to call an ambulance or something?"
"No, everything is fine, this all happened about an hour ago." "Really? We didn't even get a noise complaint!" The adrenaline eventually subsided and we all went to bed. I finally got up at around 8:30 am to grab breakfast and I heard people talking all about our experience at the other tables. Eventually, I got the kids up and brought them to the front desk to share our story.
They were far from upset. In fact, they actually had gifts waiting, including a blanket and jammies for the wee lass. The manager asked if she could take a picture and share it on the location's Facebook page. We ended up checking out that day and traveling home. I submitted a news tip to the paper, thinking it might be a fun story somewhere deep in Section C or whatever.
Not only did they call me back, but they also sent a photographer to our house and ended up running the story on the top of the front page! All in all, it was a pretty cool way to welcome a new member of the family.
38. That’s Just Good Parenting
I was working the front desk when a mom brought over her crying 12-year-old. “Tell her what you did,” she sternly told her daughter. In between sobs, the daughter told me that she jumped up in the hallway, slapped the exit sign, and it fell down. Her mom went on to tell me that her daughter would pay to replace it. She wanted her to learn from her actions and take responsibility for them.
Now, I know it’s in our hotel’s nature to say it’s okay or no problem, but I knew this was important to her mom. I thanked the little girl for her honesty, then asked her why she chose to do what she did. She said she thought it would be fun and never thought it would fall off. I asked her if she would ever do it again? "No, never, I’m so sorry," she said.
We then went to check out the sign. If there was a fire, then guests would not be able to see where the exit was and it could be very dangerous. The three of us went to the hallway and upon inspecting the sign, it wasn’t broken at all. I was able to put it back up and it worked perfectly. I told the girl that there was no damage, so she didn't have to pay to replace it.
I also told her that I was proud of her for taking responsibility for what she did. Her mom told her she was proud of her too. Just a reminder to us all that if a parent has a child apologize for something they've, don’t just say, "No problem." Be kind, but encourage them not to do it again. Also, thank them for their apology.
39. The Good Samaritan
30 minutes ago, I had someone with a reservation walk in without a mask. When I told him he needed to put one on, he joked that he had to get it out of his bag. He tried talking to me while he was unzipping his luggage, but I just waited for him to actually have it on. I don't really have patience for that kind of stuff anymore.
So I was so delighted, but also saddened, when I received a call 10 minutes ago from someone who was in our parking lot. She revealed a scary truth to me over the phone—she had learned someone she spent time with during the holidays had tested positive. At first, I was worried she was still going to check in, but she just asked if there was any way she could cancel because she was about to make the drive all the way back home.
I made sure she knew how much I appreciated that she respected the hotel's policies enough to call us and let us know, and I was glad to hear the person who did test positive was asymptomatic. I wished her well, and she drove away. That seems like the obvious thing to do for a lot of people, but as we know, working in a customer-facing position, you can't expect people to make rational decisions like that on a daily basis.
40. A Game Of Patients
Okay, this isn't about a hotel front desk—it's about a doctor's office—but they still deal with the public (except their customers are often sick and in a very bad mood). Several years ago, I was the COO of a mid-sized acute care hospital in a prosperous suburb of a major metropolitan area in the Deep South of the USA. I am now retired.
One of the things you have to do when you're in the hospital management biz is schmooze with the doctors. So, for 30 to 60 minutes a day, I would hang around their private dining room or the other common places where they would go when they needed a break. I'd simply listen to what they had to say. Doctors like to talk about themselves, so my opinion was rarely requested (and even more rarely provided).
Some were good doctors, some were bad. But one that stood out was a board-certified internist whom I'll call "Dr. G." Dr. G was 60+ years old, fiercely independent, and one of the few "solo" doctors who admitted patients to our hospital. Most of our doctors were in large multi-specialty group practices. Not him. He was by himself.
Dr. G had more business than he could handle. Not only did he have a huge patient base because he'd been practicing for decades, but he was also a darn good doctor, so many of the hospital's other doctors referred a constant stream of patients to him. Dr. G didn't need money. His wife was an anesthesiologist. They already had a huge house, an equally huge vacation house, several cars, and no debt.
Their children were grown. He never told me how much retirement money they had, but he hinted that it was a load of stocks and mutual funds. He was working because he wanted to, not because he had to. His office was only open four days a week, Monday through Thursday. He had hired twice the number of nurses, bookkeepers, secretaries, etc., that he needed to run it.
So nobody was overworked or overstressed. One day, during the Christmas season, the doctors were sitting around their private dining room talking about what they were giving their office staffers for Christmas. The gifts ranged from tacky (new office uniforms) to useless (pre-paid "detail" at a local car wash for the cars of nurses and secretaries who were paid so poorly that they all drove rust buckets).
Everyone had to admit, however, that Dr. G's Christmas gift was the best. Even though he gave each employee a gift certificate that was in the low four figures, that was not his "best gift," not by a long shot. It was Dr. G's other gift that got everyone's attention. Every Christmas, each one of his office employees got to "fire" one patient, no questions asked.
It did not matter who the patient was, or what they had done to the employee, they were out. The employee didn't even have to say why; although they usually enjoyed making sure that the rest of the staff, including Dr. G, all knew why. There were some limitations and exceptions. For example, if the patient was in the middle of a crisis where continuity of care was essential, such as during or shortly after hospitalization, Dr. G promised the employee a "rain check."
The patient would be "fired" as soon as it could be done without compromising their medical treatment. Also, a patient could never be "fired" if they were terminally ill. I think there might have been a few other exceptions, such as patients with severe dementia. I just can't recall them all. The staff understood that they could not "fire" patients who were so sick that they couldn't keep themselves from behaving the way they did.
They could only "fire" patients who were capable of acting like decent human beings, but chose to be jerks. This was never a problem because there were always plenty of those. When a patient was "fired," Dr. G would send a polite, personal letter to the patient, informing them that he was limiting his practice and they were no longer within the scope of the patients that he would treat.
This was actually true, although his letters didn't say so, because medical science has no cure for being a jerk. His office would be glad to forward a copy of the patient's medical records to any other doctor's office, free of charge. He did not suggest any other doctor, because, after all, these were "bad" patients. If the patient had a small balance on their bill, Dr. G's letter would tell the patient that he was writing it off.
His staff would also flag the patient in their office systems and records so that current and future office staff would know to never let that patient come back. Ever. That's it. He had eight to 10 employees, and he could easily afford to do without eight to 10 patients out of the thousands that he treated every year. So, all year long, every time a patient was rude to one of his office staff, the staff person could think, "In a few months, I'll never have to put up with you ever again."
Dr. G said that it was the best morale booster he had ever used with his staff, got rid of patients that he himself did not want to treat, and cost him practically nothing.
41. Showing His True Colors
At the time, most of the guests at our hotel were businessmen. The guys from this particular company had been staying at our hotel for a while, and I got along very well with a few of them, including the person I later found out was the owner. One evening, probably around 5 or 6 after my managers had left, three guys from that company came down and wanted to buy drinks and snacks.
I sold the first two guys their drinks and snacks no problem. The third guy, however—I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it made me mad, and I could tell he was already tipsy, so I refused to sell to him. Well, he did not like this, and he called me all sorts of names and just started yelling at me. I told him to go back to his room, but he wasn’t leaving.
Luckily, his two co-workers were still around and they took him out of the lobby. He went back to his room and it was over, or so I thought. I was so, so wrong. I got a call from his manager, who I knew, asking what had happened. I guess one of his co-workers called and told him what had happened. I explained the situation and told him that he was not allowed in the lobby if he was going to be disrespectful.
His manager apologized and said he would get him on a new assignment. He also told me if anything to call him if anything else happened. Alright, that sounded good to me. About 30 minutes later, the dude came back down yelling at me about how his manager called him and was making him leave. He then pulled out his phone and started to record me, on Facebook Live, saying how I wouldn’t sell to him.
He then went into the shop, and on video, took drinks from the cooler. He told me he was going to get me fired and just started screaming at me again. Unfortunately, his co-workers weren’t in the lobby, so all I could do was tell him to go back to his room. He eventually did. I looked up the guest's reservation and called the number on file for the manager I had talked to earlier to tell him what happened.
I ended up getting sent to the voice mail for who I thought was his other manager. I knew him as well. I left a message, explaining what happened and he called me back almost immediately. He apologized. Since it was late, he couldn’t get him a flight that night to leave; but he had a flight first thing in the morning. I then found out that this manager was actually the owner of the company.
A few days went by and I got another phone call—this time, it was from the HR team. I explained the situation and they apologized. I then got a call from their risk management team, and they apologized. The next time I was at work, all of the managers, the owner, and the employees came and apologized. The guy got fired, and every person in the company had to take a harassment class.
42. I’m All Ears
I’m a valet. I was on the drive greeting cars as I usually did on any shift. A group of ladies and kids came in with an SUV and insisted on parking in the valet lot. After I didn’t let them park there, they started talking about me amongst themselves in Arabic. Little did they know that I spoke fluent Arabic, so when she roasted me, I understood everything.
She then asked in English, “So, where can I park sir?” So I gave her instructions to the parking garage in Arabic. The whole car went silent, the mothers dropped their phones, and she whispered sorry and drove off. Their reactions were priceless.
43. Privileged Information
I work at a small hotel in a major city. This happened on a Friday night, right before my shift was about to end. I had all my check-ins done and I was ready to get out...but then the phone rang. Me: "Hi, how can I help you?" Phone: "Ugh, hi, yeah—can you tell me if you have a guest checking in under the name of Mr. So and So?"
Me: "Oh no sir, unfortunately, I can’t tell you that. It’s against our guest privacy policy." Phone: "Are you being serious?? I’ve called every other hotel downtown and no one has ever told me that." Me: "Well, I’m not sure of their policies but I know that at our hotel we aren’t allowed to release that information."
Phone: "So you’re actually telling me that when you got hired you were told that you’re not allowed to tell someone that?" Me: "Um, yeah, actually; as well as at the other two 5-star hotels and the cruise ship that I worked for." Phone: "Well, that’s ridiculous. Can I speak to your supervisor?" Me: "Unfortunately, we don’t have a supervisor present at the moment. My general manager will be back Monday morning at 8 am."
Phone: "Okay and what is your name? Do you have an employee number?" I told them my name, but I didn't have an employee number. Phone: "And your last name? What do you look like?" Me: "Excuse me...?" Phone: "Well, if you don’t have an employee number, how will I explain to your manager who I spoke to?" Me: "I’m the only one here with my first name, so please feel free to call my manager on Monday morning after 8 am and tell her you spoke to me." Click.
And he never called. Must have realized that I was, in fact, right.
44. Who’s The Boss?
The owner of my hotel was a millionaire several times over, but you would never know it. His wife dressed like she was going to dinner with the President and he looked like a slightly worse-for-the-wear guest. He was a little old dude who walked around in khakis, Hawaiian shirts, and ratty shoes. But he was also an absolute shark and would wait to let you have it if he didn't like you.
He typically spent all of his time in his windowless office in the basement making phone calls and doing who knows what else. This was over 20 years ago, and the town we lived in had about 50,000 people. We rarely had a security guard on staff and no security cameras, so he would occasionally chill out in the lobby to keep an eye on things if he was concerned about something.
As long as you did your job, this wasn't an issue. He didn't often chat with us unless it was in the back office because he wanted to be taken for a regular travel-weary guest. I personally think it was a game for him. If he was hanging out in the lobby, he would just sit and people watch or read the paper. However, there were times when people would become belligerent with the front desk staff for whatever reason and they would always start with, "I know the owner, you better do as I say."
They would then go in on the fact that they were going to get him fired, etc. This guy had the best response. The owner would look up from his paper and say, "I have no idea who the heck you are, but stop bugging my staff. You aren't getting an upgrade. You're lucky I even let you stay after that." After a guest was properly chastised and left for their room, he would give a lopsided grin and go back to reading the paper.
45. Slow Clap
I was checking in this girl who was in town for business and as usual, her company was paying for her stay. This lady was already kind of impolite, but I didn't sweat it. It was 9 o’clock and she had bags under her eyes, so she probably was exhausted from her travels. I made small talk, which she barely partook in, but she did mention that she had driven for hours from the next major city over because of a sudden transfer.
Bingo. Her company is moving her all over the place on short notice. I asked her what her method of pay would be and immediately got an alert that the company's card on file had expired. I had to break the news. "I'm so sorry ma'am, but the card on file that we were given is expired. Is there any way you can get a hold of them and maybe we can work something out? I just need a valid card."
That did it. She broke. She turned around, paused, and started clapping. She clapped loudly and proudly. She clapped all the way out of the lobby. I paused for a moment and thought if I should be angry. But, you know what...no. She released her anger in a physical manner, rather than directing it at me or anyone else. You let that anger out, girl. You do you.
46. Ya Done Goofed
I had JUST gotten in for my 7 am to 3 pm shift, and my night auditor had just left for home. Within the first five minutes, I had one of the worst jerks I’ve ever walk up to me and flip his lid. We'll call him Chad. Chad came downstairs and wasn't very nice from the start. It was like 7:05 am, and I hadn't even had my second cup of coffee yet.
Before I continue with the tale, I just want to say that Chad yelled at me a lot. I also didn't tell him to stop, but for a good reason. Me: "Good morn—" Chad: "YOU SERIOUSLY CHARGED ME?! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!" Me: "I'm sorry, I'm conf—" Chad: "YOU CHARGED ME FOR THE ROOM?" Me: "Yes?" Chad: "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?! Me: "I charged you for your stay?" Chad: "NO, YOU DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE!"
I was so confused. What the heck was this guy going on about? Chad: "YOU DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE." Me: "...How, may I ask?" Chad: "YOU CHARGED MY CARD AND NOW MY WIFE IS GOING TO FIND OUT I WAS HERE!!!" Me: "Okay?" At that point, things were starting to click into place.
Chad: "I WAS HERE WITH A DIFFERENT WOMAN!!! WE SHARE A BANK ACCOUNT!" Me: "...I don't see how I am at fault for you cheating on your wife?" Chad: "BECAUSE YOU CHARGED MY CARD. I NEED A REFUND RIGHT NOW." Me: "No?" Chad: "YES, YOU NEED TO SWITCH IT TO MY AWARDS POINTS RIGHT NOW BEFORE SHE SEES THE CHARGES." Well, I took a deep breath, because this was going to be bad.
Me: "Sir, I do not have the power to switch any reservation to a points reservation. You either have to do that online or through our reservation service. Once you are checked into the system, there is no switching to points or any way to do a refund unless for a very valid reason, and it has to be a valid reason." Chad: "THIS IS A VALID REASON."
Me: "Was there anything wrong with the room?" Chad: "No." Me: "The check-in process was fine?" Chad: "Yes." Me: "Nothing happened during your stay?" Chad: "No, it was fine!" Me: "Then why would I refund you?" Chad: "BECAUSE MY WIFE WILL KNOW I WAS HERE. THAT ISN'T MY WIFE IN THAT ROOM WITH ME, YOU KNOW."I got really annoyed and I knew this was just going to go around in circles.
Me: "Okay dude, this is seriously your own fault. You chose to make the reservation without points, you saw the authorization go through, we charged your card for payment...You knew this would all happen. This is entirely your own fault." Chad: "I NEED YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW." Me: "No, you can call her tomorrow."
Chad looked very confused and angry. I just slowly sipped my coffee, staring back. Chad stood at the desk for a minute, just staring at me. He then took out his phone and started playing on it. Me: "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Chad: "Yeah, a refund." Me: "So, if that is all, I need you to please step aside so I can help the next person in line." And then at that moment, Chad had a huge realization.
He realized the entire lobby was full of firefighters and other people waiting to get help from the front desk. At that moment, my day was made. He looked horrified because he just admitted to an entire lobby that he cheated on his wife and he was blaming me, the front desk person, for his own horrible move. That is why I didn't have him stop yelling. After he ran out of the lobby, he never came back down. He never called the desk. He quietly left the hotel. At one point, the firefighters and other guests started asking about him. I just smiled and said, "He messed up."
47. Stay Safe
I was at the front desk when I got a call from one of my regular guests. He’s a sweet guy and I’ve never heard him complain about a single thing. He’s also a businessman, so he enjoys our low-cost, low amenity hotel. Guest: "Yeah, there’s a woman screaming near my room—it sounds like she’s really in distress." Me: "NO PROBLEM! I’ll check it out!"
I raced down the corridor towards the fire exit. His room was situated as far away from the other guests as possible, so I knew it had to be someone using the fire exit system. I burst through the door and saw a strange, disturbing sight. A very large man was pulling a small woman by the elbows up the stairs.
Me: "What’s going on here? Sir, this is a fire exit." Big Guy: "Sorry, it’s all good here." Small woman: "I don’t know where I am, where are my friends? The woman was extremely intoxicated. She couldn’t stand up straight. The moment she started speaking, the guy let go of her. She kept repeating herself and stumbling up and down the stairs."
Big Guy: "Go with him, he’s trying to help you, he works here." He then quickly disappeared up the stairs. She kept shouting that she didn’t know where she was or who we were. She was staring off in random directions and I had to grab her arm to lead her back to the lobby. She was completely out of it.
Me: "Do you have a hotel room?" Small woman: "No, no. "There were multiple attempts to try and get some information from her. I sat her down in the lobby and asked if I could call anyone for her. She fell off the chair. I tried to give her water, but she just dropped it. Clearly, this woman’s drink had been spiked. I mean, she was completely incoherent in a strange way.
So I called for an officer to assist and he was able to find the whereabouts of where she was staying. Her story never developed past that, thank goodness…but I did see the big guy who tried to lead her upstairs after a good few hours. Me: "So, was that your friend…or?" Big Guy: "No man, I just found her like that outside one of the clubs"
Me: "So you tried to take her to your hotel room?" He just shrugged and smiled. My blood went cold. The worst part is, we had two more incidents just like this happen in the span of two weeks, with the manager being responsible for stopping the other two.
For what it’s worth, I told the officer everything I saw; though, he never made a follow-up call with me. I would hope that this was due to the officer taking the proper course of action; that is, getting her medical attention and speaking to her once she was of sound mind. I could've done more definitely, but I'm confident I did all I could do under the circumstances. It was quite a situation to be in and I was definitely not thinking clearly. I did send a report to corporate and my manager and heard nothing further.
48. Come Closer, Little Girl
As I pulled up to work last night, I saw the girl who worked the swing shift being led to our second building by a very creepy-looking dude. She was young and petite and he had the look of a spider who had just caught himself a nice, juicy fly. Her eyes were wide with fear and she kept trying to make excuses, but he was insistent that he couldn’t get into his room and needed her to help him.
Reading the situation, even though I was still in my motorcycle gear and not yet technically in uniform, I told her that I'd escort him down. He still insisted that she do it, though he couldn’t give a good reason why. I said fine, but I stayed right behind them. At one point, he actually put his hand on her lower back and I politely but firmly asked him not to touch our employees.
He took his hand off of her, but he was obviously not happy about my presence. We finally got to his door and he made a half-baked attempt to use his key card as if to prove he wasn’t lying about not being able to get in. I could tell he was about to ask her to do it for him, so I stepped in and said, “Allow me, sir.” I took the card from him and what do you know—the door unlocked on my first try.
He gave me a half-hearted “Thanks, buddy.” Then he went into his room, slamming the door behind him. She thanked me and told me he’d been creeping her out for a while. Maybe I was reading too much into the situation, but I shudder to think what might have happened if I’d shown up just a couple of minutes later. I considered calling the authorities but I figured they couldn’t really do anything because they can’t detain someone for being a creep.
49. It’s Quittin’ Time
I used to be a property manager at a major motel chain in the US. The general manager was a company rock star who spent a lot of time helping other properties, so I was the acting GM a lot (like I was that night). This was a 96 room property—a four-building box layout with a swimming pool in the center. We had a lot of construction contracts.
These were easy guests who worked all day, came back, played cards and drank, and turned in early. I was at home when my phone rang at 3 am. It was Josh, the night auditor. Josh was reliable, but he drank a lot every week and was typically loopy. Josh: "Hey man, you probably want to come down here. Someone just drove a truck into the swimming pool."
Me: "That's...impossible. It's fenced in." Josh: "Dude, they crashed through it." Me: "How could a truck even get in the courtyard?" Josh: "They drove through the gap between buildings two and three." I started visualizing the scene—Building #2 is on a hill above one and three, and there's a gap there. Someone determined enough could point a truck downhill, put the pedal down, and build up the momentum to crash the chain link and go into the pool. So yeah, it was possible.
Me: "Josh, you had better not be screwing with me." Spoiler alert: Josh wasn’t screwing with me. I got to the motel and there was a construction company pick-up truck nose down in the swimming pool and its tailgate in the air. I had to blow up the phones at corporate, get the authorities out, start documenting everything, photographing everything, deal with the other guests, etc. until way past dawn.
It turned out, two of the crew members had been drinking and decided to quit in the most spectacular way they could think of. We even had an eyewitness. She told the officers that one guy drove and the other guy rode standing up in the flatbed, holding on to the top of the cab and yee-hawing all the way down the hill. The construction company did the repairs themselves.
50. Karen On Tour
This happened yesterday. I’m a bellman for a tourist hotel that has had a mask policy, but with the updated mandate, we now also have a health questionnaire that must be filled out upon check-in. A group of three had checked in and were wandering around the lobby, one with his nose out, one holding a mask against her face, and one without one at all.
Me: "Hey, folks, if we could wear those properly it would be very appreciated." Karen: "But I’m staying in this hotel." Me: "It’s a state mandate, I’m sorry." Karen: "Well, the mandate says if you have a medical condition, you don’t have to wear one." Me: "So you’re stating you have medical issues?" Karen: "Yes, they give me headaches, so I won’t be wearing one."
Me: "I’m sorry for that inconvenience." At this point, she got a huge, smug smile that let me know she thought she had won. Me: "You’re staying here? Did you check in yourself or did someone else check you in?" Karen: "I checked myself in, I’m not a child!" Me: "Well, then you remember signing the health questionnaire when you checked in? The one that asked if you had medical issues preventing mask-wearing and if you planned on wearing a mask?"
Karen: "I didn’t sign anything like that" Me: "What room are you in?" Karen: "I don’t have to tell you that, you’ll stalk me!" Me: "No, I just want it so I can find your questionnaire. If you’ll come to the front desk, please." My supervisor now came to my side. Supervisor: "I have it here, I remember them checking in."
"He slid it under the sneeze guard and I grabbed it." Me: "Your name is Karen McDoobie? Is this your signature?" Karen: "I didn’t know that’s what that was! You expect me to read every little thing you idiots hand me?" Me: "Just the five-foot sign about masks and the check-in paperwork, which states that you have no medical issues and that you agree to our mask policy."
Karen: "What can you do about it? Are you the manager?" Me: "No, I’m the bellman. But I have a duty to our guests and staff." Karen: "I’m a guest, you idiot, I just told you that!" Me: "If you break hotel policy, that can change. So which is it? Are you a policy-abiding guest or do you have medical issues that will prevent your stay with us tonight?"
Karen: "Ridiculous! I would never have come if I’d known I’d be harassed like this. My town doesn’t have any mask policy and everyone is fine!" Me: So you’ll wear the mask? Karen: "I made these reservations last week! Everywhere else will be full!" Me: So you’re okay wearing the mask inside the hotel?" At that point, I was the one with a smug smile under my mask.
She grabbed the mask that was hanging on her wrist and held it on her face. Heading for the elevator, I could hear her mumble under her breath. As the doors closed, I saw her pull the mask away and wave it at me. At least she didn’t come out of her room all night, thank God!
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