81. Not The Beard!
I had a dude in school that was a real jerk to everyone except his "crew”, which consisted of people with intelligence rivaling wet rocks. I started growing a beard in high school, and he happened to be in front of me in line for food. He turned to me and said "I'm gonna touch your beard". and he reached for it. I responded with, "no, you won't". He didn't listen.
I smacked him the moment he touched me, and he started crying in front of a bunch of people. I didn't hear about him messing with anyone since.
82. The Biggest Loser
I was working at a coffee shop within the skyway downtown. It was two minutes after closing everything down. So the register drawers are all pulled, and there is physically no way that I could help a customer. Even if I wanted to work something out, it is still against the store's policy.
I'm cleaning up, getting everything else shut down, and some guy in a suit from the Marriott next over comes up, accosts me for being closed, and says that he NEEDS something to eat and coffee. Blah blah blah, you're just a loser working at a coffee shop, I work for a hedge fund, blah blah blah. you have to give me something because I want it and you're still in the store.
DIRECT QUOTE: "That's how customer service works, you idiot". I explain to him that it's not possible and that I would be penalized or could lose my job. He huffs and puffs and walks away a bit, shouting about how he deserves respect and this city sucks.
I turn my back to continue dumping the coffee and get the keys to pack up the bakery. I’m still reeling over what happened next. My back is turned for probably 30 seconds, and when I return, the guy has his hand down into the bakery case and has grabbed a bunch of muffins, biscotti, and even managed to pilfer a bottle of Coke.
He leaves no money, he just leaves the case open as I yell at him and gives me the middle finger as he strides off, going on about how I need to change my attitude. Initially, I'm really angry. I call security to get on the guy, tell them what happened.
While I'm on the walkie with the security desk, I notice something crucial. I see the guy left his set of room keys for the Marriott and a set of car keys with the rental tag/company fob attached as well. The guy's from out of town with a rental car.
So while I'm talking to security, I palm his things in a towel as I "wipe down the counter" for anyone that might have seen me. As I leave, I see some security guards and the jerk yelling and arguing about things. The man is unable to get back into the Marriott from the skyway.
I punch out and start walking home. As I round the corner and begin walking over the nearby bridge, I throw his rental keys and hotel cards into the water below. Screw that guy.
83. The Principal’s Pet
The jerk was a family friend of the principal. My parents complained, but the principal said they weren't responsible if it didn't happen on school grounds. It continued until one day he wanted to make a spectacle of it. He thought he'd win but I had enough and broke his nose in the fight and left him bleeding everywhere. My parents got a call that night from the furious principal.
My mom’s answer was legendary. She explained it wasn't on school property, so politely do not disturb her at home for matters she wasn't involved with. Things went cool until late grade 6, and the same kid had been getting mouthier and pushier with me, even at school. The principal even smugly made sure we knew she wouldn't interfere. I was walking home the one day and the kid didn't take the usual turn to his house, so I knew something was up.
He tried to roll up on me, tackled me, and started punching. I grabbed his shirt, ripped the collar down the front, and then blasted him hard in the nose again when he was stunned. When the principal called, my mom just said to leave her kids alone and she'd call the authorities if the jerk came near us again. I found out later the kid was having trouble at home, so I empathize a bit, but kids like this need to find another outlet.
84. I Did What I Had To
I was the new kid at my middle school. I knew a handful of kids there but not everyone. The first month or so, I mainly talked to my friends and was pretty quiet otherwise. This one annoying kid, Andrew, took that as his cue to try to start tormenting me. He would do and say super disrespectful stuff about me out of nowhere and shoulder-check me in the hallways.
After like a week of that, I asked him if he wanted to play basketball after school, and he agreed. He had no idea what was coming. We went to the court behind the school, and I basically just beat the heck out of him when no one was looking. I never even told anyone.
I'm not saying that was cool or anything, but I wasn't going to spend my next two years hating my life because of this guy. And the harassment immediately stopped after that.
85. Honesty Is The Best Policy
My ex and I were engaged to be married and the wedding had been paid for by my parents. It was big, fancy, and all his idea. Then one day, I got a call from a Russian girl claiming to be pregnant by him.
He was in the Army and was stationed in Alaska for some time and I was still home. When I confronted him, he of course denied it, swore it was a lie and a desperate attempt at her getting to stay in America by being knocked up by a soldier.
I was young, dumb, and believed him. The girl called me over and over. To this day I don't know how she got my number, but whatever...about three months prior to the wedding, his best friend called me telling me that it was in fact true and that he had been unfaithful for months leading up to him coming home.
I finally talked to her, and she told me she'd even be willing to do a paternity test. She claimed not to have known about me until recently before she started calling. Angry and confused, I gave my ex a chance to explain himself and come clean.
I hoped he'd just be honest and we could somehow work through it, but no. He lied to me, straight in the eye. He told me I was crazy to believe some "dumb Russian princess”. So, I told him that I wanted him to consent to a paternity test.
He refused. But there was something he hadn’t kept in mind. What he failed to realize was that his CO was really good friends with my father, along with HIS father. My dad got hold of this information (because I knew what he'd do, I told him) and gave his two buddies a call and they got the Grandpa to do it.
Turns out, he was in fact the father of this soon-to-be beautiful little girl. He now has to pay child support to a woman who doesn't let him see his daughter, lost an incredible amount of respect from his officers, and had to pay my father back for the wedding that never took place, downgrade in apartments, and sell a lot of his musical equipment.
In the process he had to sell his beloved car that he loved more than anyone/thing, and I took the engagement ring and sold it, got $10,000, and went on the honeymoon but took my friends. We spent the 10 grand like it was nothing.
86. A Hate Follow
One of my college girlfriends decided it was a great idea to sleep with of my good friends in my bed while she was housesitting when my family and I were out of town. Once we got back to school, his dorm room was right across the hall from mine, and she basically moved in, which, as you might imagine, compounded the problem.
They finally got an apartment about midway through the semester and moved out, and a couple of months later she calls me and says he's a jerk and can she come over. I said sure, she comes over, we get it on.
This happened a few times, and the last night she says: "I was going to ask if we could get back together, but I figure your family probably hates me," to which I replied, "They're not the only ones. Get out”.
87. It’s Getting Hot In Here
My first wife told me to grab my stuff and get out before she walked to the store and back (about 10 minutes)., She also said that she was in love with one of my friends...some would have packed, but not me. I grabbed her box of “toys” and rubbed them all down with my ghost pepper sauce...revenge is sweet and ouchie.
Freepik,8photo
88. Call My Bluff
It was 1995 when I was in high school. I was outside with my friends. We were a big gang, but we were potheads and punks, not known to cause trouble. I apparently annoyed someone, and he went to get the big guy of the school with all his followers. The ruffian came up to me with about six or seven other guys looking for a fight.
I stood in front of them alone while my friends were sitting in the corner, not even noticing the interaction. I knew I'd get my butt kicked big time and my friends would be pretty much useless. Half were girls and only one or two would have the heart to fight. So I decided to bluff it out. I gave my best psychotic smile and told them: "This is going to be fun". and assumed a fighting stance.
Anyway, the leader found a stupid excuse to back out of it and they all left and nobody ever messed with me or my friends. These guys are not used to someone fighting back, especially when outnumbered. I got lucky he was a coward.
89. I Have A Black Belt!
It was probably 5th grade; his name was Tyler W. Tyler was a master black belt and all-around nasty. I was a goofy awkward giant that definitely didn't fit into the cool Christian kid club. The pastor’s kid Cameron and Tyler were especially cruel when paired up against me. Usual stuff happened, like telling the parents and telling the staff. The church is not believing their saintly boys could be mean.
Well, one of my friends, Steve, was having a birthday party and Tyler called me out to fight at the party. I can still remember the anticipation all week, building and building into something wonderful. When Steve got his presents and the candles were blown out, we all disappeared outside for the main event. I remember Tyler still had some pretty cocky words saying he was going to beat my fat butt or something like that.
Well, there was something I didn’t know. It turns out Tyler wasn't a black belt. I got on top of that kid and beat the holy heck out of him until his face started turning blue. It was a very important life lesson for me that these people should be dealt with severely. So, then the aftermath is Tyler's parents want to sue me and my parents for beating their little angel. The church/school wants to suspend me for something that didn't even happen at school.
However, these people taught me how to stand up for myself and that's it because no one else was going to.
90. Oops Is Right
I had a summer job pushing carts for a hardware store, and we had to push carts in through entrance of the store. It was a routine trip, pushing in about eight carts, when one of my supervisors got my attention.
I became distracted, only to look up to see an 85-year-old woman getting smashed into one of the sliding glass doors by one of my carts that had slipped off the end of the line. Needless to say, she was rushed to the ER and it cost the company $45,000.
The last thing she said to me as she laid there in pain was "Why would you do that to me"... Oops.
91. Say Hello To My Bigger Friend
I once had a terrible job cleaning the toilets in a nightclub. One night a woozy idiot brings some girl into one of the stalls. I knock on the door and he tells me to screw off. I was young and non-intimidating, and he'd seen me on the way in. But I knew just what to do.
I tell the gigantic bouncer nearby, who I was friendly with, that some cheeky man was up to something in the stall. When the bouncer pounded on the door he got told to screw off as well, which, sadly, was a big mistake.
The guy got hauled out by the scruff of his neck and dragged out the back door. I know, I know. I'm a real tough guy.
92. Worth It
There was the kid in Junior High who was always in my face. Not exactly a bully, just two parts jerk and one part idiot. Constantly following me around. I tried turning the other cheek, being nice, and stuff like that, but it just was not working.
Fast forward to high school, and we are both on the wrestling team. I'm like one weight class above him, so we have lots and lots of close contact and he was still being a jerk. When we faced each other, I took my chance to show him who was boss. In a split second, boom—double leg takedown. I scooped that idiot up in the air and dented the mat with him. The coach got angry and made me do extra cardio after practice. It felt really good anyway.
93. In The Deep End
I was living in a Middle Eastern country a few years back. Nice place, but because 50% of the population in the region is under the age of 20, the roads are simply overrun by teenage and early-20s jerks. The culture's fatalism makes young guys even more reckless and irresponsible than their hormones already program them to be.
So, after a rare rain shower, the highway is flooded up ahead. 18 inches deep. Traffic is backed up for at least a mile, and it takes us 15 minutes to get to the flooded patch. Everyone is annoyed...and then it happens. I see two cars full of teenage jerks passing people on the shoulder on the right from way behind me. Now, there's just no excuse for that.
Eventually, they get to where I am, and they pass me just as we're reaching the 50-yard stretch where the flooding is crossing the road. And wouldn't you know it? One of them crosses into the far left lane, and one stays in the right lane to avoid the deep water...in the middle lane...
And wouldn't you know it? Their windows are rolled down...
I'm in a Toyota Land Cruiser, a nice big four-wheel drive. So while they're crawling through a foot of water in their little action-boy Hondas, I decide “screw it” and rush up between them through the deep stuff in the middle lane.
The wave from my front wheels was about six feet high, and it had to have put 20 gallons of water through the windows of both cars. Completely drenched. All of them...with nasty urban stormwater runoff. Bwahaha!
Of course, they chased up after me once they cleared the water, screaming and cursing, but I just pretended to be on my phone and ignored them. Eventually, they gave up and (I hope) figured I had just been as impatient and selfish as them and had hosed them by accident.
Most satisfying revenge of my life.
94. Words Have Weight
When I was in grade school, I was chubby. I wouldn't even say fat. My small private school needed five players to have a basketball team and fell short at four, since no other boys in my grade wanted to play. This was partially because the coaches were mean, and partially because they didn't like sports.
I hated basketball quite a bit but I knew how much the four who signed up loved it and looked forward to the season. Anyway, once I joined up, one of the coaches decided to start calling me names. It started when I couldn't keep up with my other teammates since I was fatigued from recovering from the flu.
Then he started calling me names on a more frequent basis, and I became the source of all blame for our poor record. Oh, we aren't making free throws. That was my fault. Oh, we lost by 20 points? My fault. He continued to belittle my weight and thus the other players and people I thought were my friends thought it was okay to do so as well (even during games, in front of the girls in our grade).
It shattered my self-esteem and left me with permanent damage. Among other things, I still have very severe anxiety, which I am working on overcoming but mainly rely on medicine. Anyway, I saw that same coach last year at a fancy restaurant. I am all grown up now (mid-20s).
I was out to dinner with a gorgeous blonde I was dating at the time, so I decided to completely embarrass him, as he had done to me for three years. Since I was now in perfect shape, looked great, and had a hottie by my side, I knew it was my turn to strike back.
I sat with my girlfriend at the bar and waved to him. He waved back and looked confused until I approached his table where he was sitting with another man (who had a bunch of papers out on the table).
I started it by disarming him of any alarm in his brain that might be saying. I walked over and said, "Are you Coach K?" in an excited tone of voice. He responded, "Yes I am," then I said, "Oh yeah, you used to be my basketball coach! Remember me?"
He must have thought I had forgotten all about how mean he was, and he said, "Oh yeah, how are you?" with fake excitement. That’s when I dropped the hammer. I responded, "I am doing really, really well after years of not doing so well. You probably know me better as ‘fat boy,’ since that is what you called me for three years".
He began to say "What uhh, I didn't, what are you talking about" and then I continued, "Yeah, because of you I developed very bad social anxiety, which troubled me for years and on top of that I was depressed from when you started coaching me until a few years ago”.
“Unlike you, I lost weight. I saw your family at church the other day and something occurred to me. You're fat, your wife is fat and ugly, as are your children. That must really, really suck. I am now very successful and own my own company, drive my dream car, and date women I never thought would talk to me. Also, screw you”.
I then promptly left with my girlfriend. He looked absolutely dazed and dumbfounded. The look on his face was that of "Did that just happen?" It gets even better. He was at that restaurant to interview to take on a coaching position at a private high school (upgrading from middle school to high school).
The athletic director heard what I said and didn't hire him. I found this out when his wife called my parents and said that I had threatened him and he takes that very serious and I need to call and apologize and because of me he lost a great opportunity to be the head coach of a big high school basketball team.
I was beyond happy. It still makes me smile. I saved many youngsters from having to be tormented by that guy. I never called to apologize, and I never threatened him...not quite sure where that part comes from.
Freepik,benzoix
95. Scientifically Proven Revenge
My high school physics teacher once told me I was too stupid for a career in science, ending my dreams of being an astronaut. I now direct a STEM education project and am a second-year PhD student in Science Education.
Revenge is a dish best served with NHS funding.
96. Perfect Aim
This dude used to pick on me relentlessly in gym class, as these guys tend to do to nerds. I was catching some usual garbage this one particular day, but only as we were walking out to go back to class did I snap.
He grabbed my hat (just a baseball hat, nothing particularly special about it) and I decided that was the last straw. I started chasing him around the gym, but me being a nerd and him being a jock, I realized this plan was futile.
He was making his way toward the two exit doors and if he escaped, I knew I'd never see that hat again. All I had was my book bag on my back. So I stopped, sized him up, and slid the book bag across the freshly waxed basketball court.
Just as his hand is about to push the door open, the bag slides perfectly underneath his foot and he wipes out, smashing his face into the door at top speed. He crumpled to the floor in a bloody heap and cried like a baby.
I walked by, put my bag back on my shoulder, took my hat out of his hands, and stepped calmly over his twitching body. I never got in trouble (the teachers knew he had it coming) and he never said another word to me.
Freepik.stockking
97. Hats Off To You
We had assigned seats on the bus and I was next to this awful kid, unfortunately. He threw my hat out the window on the highway. Before we got on the bus at the end of the day, he was bragging to everyone about how funny it was when he tossed my hat. I lost it and beat him down. Kind of like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. He was a bit bloodied. He wouldn’t look me in the eye after that all the way through high school.
98. One Hit Too Many
I was harassed by this group of girls, and I would call their leader Karen. This girl would do all kinds of things from pulling my hair to tripping me or verbally teasing me. I tolerated all of it until the day Karen hit me hard across the face. Something came over me I don't know what happened to my timid self but I pounced on her, scratching, and punching her, I could feel my blood boil like literally and my vision was covered with black spots.
Well at the end of the day, she started crying and was covered with scratches and I had a panic attack immediately afterward. Nobody got punished but she never crossed my path again. All this happened in second grade.
99. A Grave Miscalculation
This one comes to mind because I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was out snow-blowing the driveway one day. Some dude who is a friend of my sister's walks up to me and throws a snowball at me. He then gave that look like "What are you gonna do about it, man?" He then laughed, putting his hands up as if to go "Ohhh!!"
Dude? Do you not see this sizeable snow-moving device I am pushing around? It only took several seconds to completely coat him in snow, and the look of defeat on his face was glorious.
100. What A Girl Wants
In fourth grade gym, I discovered heartbreak, revenge, and victory all in one class period. Moments before class had started, my "boyfriend" dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around as if nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater.
Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception, which we were playing at the time. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. The Ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield "Don't worry about this one, she can't hit anything”. That's when I got angry.
I said nothing, watching as he casually cocked back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The Wiffle ball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, the Wiffle ball met The Ex's balls, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap. My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home.
It was beautiful.
101. If You Build It, He Won’t Come
I had a jerk of a class teammate for an entire semester. He would sit in the corner of the room the entire semester saying he's working, but he was often just watching Glee. But whenever the professor rolled into the classroom, he would pop right up, and proceed to tell the professor about all the progress we have made.
But of course, when midterm comes around, he had absolutely nothing to show for it. He then goes around to everyone—the poor TA, the rest of the team, members of other team—for help. Of course, it's really hard to conjure up a midterm project overnight when all you've been doing all semester is watching Glee over and over again.
But alas, this was a team project in architecture and having a big blank where the classroom buildings are supposed to be in our piazza would have been bad. So the rest of the team and the poor TA all jump in and have an all-nighter to basically do his project.
It's around this time that everybody in the program realizes what an idiot he was. He hadn’t the slightest clue how buildings work or how to design them. This one instance he and the rest of the team had an argument about where walls and floors meet.
We were all designing a traditional Italian masonry house, and he swears that every floor should be two to three feet larger than the perimeter of the walls, resulting in all floors sticking out of the walls, and that that's how we should build his model.
This kid, an architecture student in his third year into the program, doesn't know how walls and floors work! Despite his ignorance and his lack of effort, he would still shake his tail in front of the professor and make snide comments about his one and only friend and how much his work was better than his friend's.
They no longer talked by the end of the semester. The professor wasn't an idiot, either, and caught onto this pretty quick. So while the rest of the team got a perfect mark, he got a C—a grade too high for him, in my opinion. But everything changed when finals came around.
By the season of finals, the rest of the team realized that if we want to have a good project, we should do his work for him. If you know any Architecture students, you know we are known for our ability to stay up and hammer away at a project day and night.
But not this kid. Every night at around 11 pm, he would stop watching Glee, tell the rest of the team how much of a headache he has and that he needs to go to sleep. At first we tried to tell him that he can't go to sleep without having anything done a week before the final, but soon we noticed how the project flowed more enjoyably when he was gone, and didn't care to stop him.
So every day the two weeks before finals, we worked on our individual projects. Come 11 pm, we would do his project for another 2-3 hours. He caused several scenes in the studio, which often ended with him making a girl cry or ticking everyone in the program off.
Next year, I got a job in the department. I managed the Facebook page and other social media groups for the department. It didn't take me long to find out about the option to delete people from the page. So every now and then, every time he ticked me off in fact, I would delete him from the page.
It wasn't a big deal; he missed some announcements about guest lectures that he never even went to and missed out on some fun comments on the page at most. But it made my week to delete him, and another week when I would see that he "liked" the page again.
This would happen two three times until I perma-banned him as I left the position. For all the idiotic theories he tried to shove down my throat and all the hours I spent working on his project, the revenge was petty, but I was trembling with power and excitement when I first deleted him from the page.
He then switched majors and is now working to get a structural engineering license to design buildings near you.
102. An Expensive Mistake
My girlfriend cheated on me when I was 22. My best friend took all of her cosmetics out of my bathroom, threw them into an empty garbage can, and lit it all on fire. When she showed up to pick up her stuff, he just pointed at the still-burning container. Then she left.
It was probably several hundred dollars’ worth of stuff. She was super angry.
103. You Get What You Don’t Pay For
I used to get paid to write essays for people. I wrote all of this girl's applications essays (to eight schools), but she made all sorts of excuses and ended up only paying a fraction of what she owed me.
This girl comes from a rich family and spends about $10,000 a month on her shopping. She could afford to pay me. But she decided to be cheap and not bother paying me, even though my essays helped her get into a much better school than she expected.
I got my revenge, though. The school was waayy beyond her academic capabilities, so she ended up flunking most of her classes and getting kicked out. Hah.
104. Not Fun And Games
In first grade, a kid kept making fun of me every day at recess, despite me telling him to stop. One day I was in the sandbox and he mocked me. I'd had enough. I grabbed a handful of sand and shoved it down his pants. He didn't call me names after that.
105. So What’s Ok?
I wouldn't say I took revenge, I just finally snapped and started repeatedly punching him. In the middle of math class. The teacher took me out of the class and I figured that I was doomed and on my way to see the headmaster. The teacher said she knew he was mean, but hitting people in her class was not OK and never to do it again. Then she placed him in detention.
The kid gave some kind of begrudging apology the next day and said he respected me for finally standing up for myself. Well, thanks, I guess? He never bothered me again anyway.
106. Giving Her A Hand
I had a friend who had a bully. He had a locker above my friend and would intentionally drop books on her head, push her around, insult her throughout the year, and we all had a class together where he was generally a jerk to anyone that he could. Before class started and anyone else was in class yet, the teacher had to step out for a bit, and it was just us three in the room.
My friend was and still is very tiny but that day, it didn't matter. She snapped and had enough of his teasing and went on the attack. I don't think she could have done much damage on her own, but I stepped in. Puberty was swift for me and I was one of the largest kids in school; by 5th grade, I was already the size of an adult woman.
I pinned him to the wall and let my friend beat on him. He didn't speak to either of us after that, and we never got into any trouble. I don't think he wanted to tell anyone that he got beat up by a couple of girls.
107. Hands Off
When I was in the service, this one guy would always come into our room and randomly open our fridge without asking and just take stuff and eat it. I took a lemon-flavored Gatorade (the yellow kind), dumped half of it out, and filled it up with my pee.
I then screwed the lid on tight and put it back in the fridge. I made sure it was the only thing left in the fridge as well. As sure as clockwork, he comes in and he takes it and drinks it. My roommate knew about it and felt bad, so he told him what happened.
In turn, the guy threatened to turn me in to the higher-ups for it. My response: "You're telling me that you are going to tell a room full of grown men that you drank my pee?” He never came into the room and ate anything ever again.
108. Family Feud
When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook”. It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff and was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the “tricks” from the book.
You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, and the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil. I put it under her bed. It takes a few days to "work" so I completely forgot about it…until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering.
It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
109. Wrestling Revenge
I was teased heavily in middle school. I wrestled in high school. At a competition, I found I had to wrestle Josh. He was one of those guys from middle school, and I knew I could pin him. Told my coach about him, and my goal wasn't to pin him, but to hurt him as long as possible. When the wrestling match starts, I do every move I can think of that could hurt.
I didn't try to get him on his back, just kept "trying" to jack up his arms and shoulders. Took a couple of shots and checked his crotch with my shoulder since he wasn't wearing a cup. I did the full six minutes and won twelve-to-one on points. He cried. The reaction was unforgettable. My entire team went ballistic with cheers. The coach had told them what he used to do to me and they were rooting for me so hard. I felt like the king of the world.
I walked off to my team. He limped off to the athletic trainer.
110. The Crowd Goes Wild!
My friend was the only Asian-looking girl in the area. This one little idiot had learned some vile names and delighted in calling her them until she cried. He always did it at the bus stop because we couldn't walk away. I got angry, but she always told me not to do anything because she was worried about it escalating. I promised not to do anything that would make it worse.
I like loopholes. I'm also from what some would call an aggressive family. We've play-fought with each other for as long as I can remember, so the desire to beat the heck out of him was strong. One time, he was singing a song that basically was just the P word to a tune with a few uninventive insults thrown in that didn't scan. He was playing this up particularly because there was a crowd of largely disinterested older kids also waiting for the bus.
I figured a way to ensure it wouldn't get worse. I punched him hard in the nose. No warning, just turned round and lamped him. Now I was a big girl even at 7, so when I put my full force behind the punch, it was nasty. I even hurt my hand because I was a dumb kid who didn't know how to punch properly. He staggered back and started crying as his nose began to bleed.
The disinterested crowd noted that he'd been made to cry by a girl, who ripped into him. He ran away, they continued laughing, me and my mate eventually caught our bus, and he left us alone forever more. I didn't get into trouble because he had no idea where I lived and rumor had it his dad was angrier that he'd not fought back.
111. Kids Can Smell Fear
When I was in grade 9 or 10, we had a substitute teacher for 2 or 3 weeks. She gave me detention (the very first I had received, I might add) not only for something I didn't do, but for something that was not even worthy of a detention if I HAD done it.
I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was something stupid like coughing while she was speaking. She had no idea who she was messing with. I systematically turned my entire class against her, and subtlety undermined her whenever I could.
We did stuff like the entire class coughing together on cue, every single person making a paper plane out of their worksheet and trying to throw it out of the window (we were on the 3rd story of the school), asking incredibly stupid questions about the simplest of tasks, passive-aggressively correcting her when she made minor mistakes while speaking…the list goes on.
We ended up pushing her to tears. In hindsight, it was pretty cruel. Anyway, I'm now working at my old primary school, at a childcare program. I (think) I saw her once, and she gave me this look like she simultaneously remembered and despised me...I just smiled and continued about my business.
112. Best Buds No More
This guy at work started at the same time I did and we become buds. We hang out, play some Xbox, the whole nine yards. We worked together for two and a half years at this store and eventually were the two most senior associates.
A promotion comes up to become a Director's Assistant and basically get an automatic pay-rate bump plus full-time. We are both interviewed, and we agreed that we would put our best foot forward and not hold any regrets.
The dude beat me out in the end, and I congratulated him on his victory. He acts a little off but tells me it was a close run, and he knew I was a good candidate. Then I discovered his brutal betrayal. A week after the promotion, the store director calls me in for a serious sit-down.
He says, "I hear you have been cheating the time clock, possibly stealing, and giving discounts to friends". I deny, deny, deny that and ask for proof, or I was going to sue. I’m given a "forced three days off" while it is investigated by corporate.
I’m called in a week after suspension for a sit-down with the big shot. They apologized and promoted me to the DA position. They tell me that my buddy was caught on tape several times stealing, his electronic journal showed consistent unwarranted discounts, and other activities—even though he had “tipped” them off to my supposed activities.
When they confronted him, he broke down, apologized, and returned some stuff he planned to swipe after his shift. This jerk tried to frame me to get ahead.
113. The First Win
I used to have a horrible little nasty jerk that would sit behind me on the bus home from school every day. He would constantly hit my head from behind and generally just get off from whacking me. One day I broke as he was getting off the bus and continued to hit me on his way out for fun. I started wailing on him and drove my foot with all my strength at his balls. Happy to say I really hurt him and he was in major, major pain.
He gave me a bit of mouth afterward but never bothered me again. One of the most satisfying moments of my life. He's a huge loser now, so I won twice!!
114. So Deserved
When I was in 5th grade, a kid decided that he was going to violently tousle my hair every chance he got, all day. It got old very quickly, and I repeatedly told him to stop. He didn’t, of course. At recess, I was sitting on the ground talking to my friends, when I saw him running up behind me from the corner of my eye. I spun around, grapevined his leg, and sank my teeth into his calf.
I didn’t draw blood, but definitely left tooth impressions and there was a lot of high-pitched screaming. He tried to report me for attacking him, but the recess supervisor told him that he’d been watching him torment me for an hour so he couldn’t complain. Don’t ask me why an adult observed active bullying for an hour and just allowed it to play out.
115. Pulling The Puppet Strings
I once had a colleague I hated because he was very condescending and really arrogant. As revenge, I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer.
I would just open my drawer and it would mess his computer right up. I kept it going for like two months. He was about to scream at the whole world when I thought I better stop.
116. Avengers, Take Notes
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the professor told me tough luck.
Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and got beautiful revenge. I began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things, or just straight-up write stuff that makes no sense.
An example of the garbage I would put in: “To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Escher's factorial”. If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.
He retook that class.
117. This Teddy Bear Has Claws
I did think my father had it in him but, boy, did he ever snap. My father had two sisters and one brother. Father was always looking after them despite being the youngest of them. His brothers-in-law were spoiled and overspent everything, ending in debt. My father cleared them every time, trying to preserve the good name of my grandfather. My father's brother cheated my father out of his inheritance by taking money from his wallet while he was in the hospital taking care of my grandparents—he was there all on his own.
One day, the siblings tried to kick my mother out of my grandfather’s home because she didn't share her inheritance with them. My dad, who was usually a teddy bear, went livid. He canceled all cheques for payments he'd made for them the day prior. He took away the cars he gave them, blocked them from all properties, and disowned them in the newspaper. After a couple of weeks, the three of them left town with their families, hiding from people they owed money to.
Eventually, they fled the country. The sisters are somewhere in Canada, while the brother is a taxi driver in Australia.
118. The Magic Formula
I used to have to report website usage, ROI, and all sort of statistics for a bunch of different sites. I built a cool mother of a spreadsheet in which you only input a few numbers and it would calculate just about everything the company would need. It was a bit too complicated for my boss to understand, yet he would take it to clients and brag that he made it.
That ticked me off. Then, after a while, he realized that the spreadsheet was all he needed, and he could use my paycheck to buy a new house. He laid me off. I told him he might need help with the spreadsheet, but he said he was smart enough. So before I left, I made sure to make him eat his words—I changed a single formula in the spreadsheet and had a good laugh about the reports it spat out. They made no sense at all anymore.
119. Hitting Back Where It Hurts
I had two freshman roommates that kept eating all of my food. Within the first week, when classes hadn't even started yet, I went to make myself a peanut butter sandwich. My first peanut butter sandwich in this dorm. A special moment. But when I arrived at the kitchen to prepare it, the entire tub of peanut butter was completely gone. They also left the empty tub in my cupboard.
Anyway, I flipped the heck out, because who on earth eats a whole tub of someone else’s peanut butter by themselves, without even bothering to introduce themselves first? These girls would literally scarf down all my food, yet complain if they thought anyone was touching theirs. So I came up with a plan for revenge.
I started buying really fattening food, lots of chips and doughnuts, etc. I was trying to teach them self-restraint, but these idiots would go through these bags and boxes within two days. So I kept buying doughnuts. And then, one day, they started complaining about how they couldn't fit into their jeans anymore. Success.
I also put laxatives in my peanut butter. That’ll teach ‘em to mess with me and my food!
120. The Mother Of All Pettiness
I had my graduation from engineering on the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with choosing the date. But you couldn’t convince my mom of that. My mother said I "ruined her birthday"—and then she got a cruel revenge. She scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is in March, mine is in August.
121. Credit Where Credit’s Due
I had a co-worker who kept taking my work, taking credit for things he didn't do, and was a general jerk towards me. I knew he was going to take something I was working on, so I made sure he got his karma by purposely messing up...hard. I mean very, very hard. As in, I indirectly bad-mouthed the CEO and higher-ups in a report going to a customer and sat back and waited.
He got fired without severance pay, he lost his house, and his wife left him. He lived on the street for three months before he was given a tiny government home. I send him a Christmas card every year.
122. It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding
When I was 13, so eight years ago, my dad remarried after divorcing my mom four years before. Before the divorce, his fiancée had been his mistress. My mom is completely better off without him, and ignoring the fact that I wouldn’t exist, I don’t think she should have married him in the first place. Even if I think my parents weren’t a good match, that’s no excuse to cheat on your wife.
Even worse, this new woman was horrifically vile in all sorts of ways. She constantly belittled me, made fun of the fact I needed to take pills for my mental illness—despite her being a freaking pharmacist—and was generally awful to my siblings and me. But she was a decade younger than my dad and reasonably hot, so he didn’t care at all how she treated us.
The one time he actually listened to us about her is when they were thinking of having a baby, and my brother said he’d ask our mom to sue for full custody of us if they did. So anyway, they got married. I was a bridesmaid, cause that witch had no real friends. The other two bridesmaids were her sister and my sister. My brother was the best man because she didn’t like my dad’s best friend.
He and my dad still don’t talk to this day, even though the guy was like an uncle to me as a little kid. It was a wedding, though, and everything went normally at first. But at the beginning of the reception, before the first dance, we were taking pictures in front of a chocolate fountain, looking like the happy family we never were and would never be.
I’m on the autism spectrum and have a problem maintaining eye contact. This extends to looking at a camera. So when we had to retake a photo because I wasn’t looking, she leans down and whispers something in my ear. I’m not going to repeat it, but it involved the r-word. I don’t like saying it. I snapped and decided she was going to pay for this.
No one noticed—or at least no one called me out—when I started slowly moving the chocolate fountain towards the edge of the table. When it got to the edge, it makes contact with the back of that pure white wedding dress and slowly drips down. By the time she notices, it looks like she’s pooped herself. But for all anyone else knows, this was an accident.
She has no spare dress, and that stain is not coming out. So first dance, cutting the cake, speeches, everything, this woman has what looks like a poop stain on the back of her dress. It was a small revenge, but it was so worth it. What’s supposed to be the happiest day of this stupid woman’s life, and she’s going to remember that stain every time she thinks about it.
They never did get the stain out. And nobody knew it was me. Until now, I guess. Hi family, if you’re reading this. Suzie, you’re a witch and you deserved that chocolate stain.
123. The Art Of Fighting
I taught high school art. I had a student become furious with me and eventually threaten to hit me. I tried to give the kid an easy out because I knew he wouldn't do it, and nothing good could come of embarrassing him. However, he wouldn't have it and continued to threaten me. Finally, I gave him an ultimatum—I told him to just go ahead and either take a swing at me or get out of my room.
He was now even more furious that I called his bluff. So in retaliation, he threw a jar of paint at the wall as he stormed out of the room. It made a huge splatter, which he assumed I would have to clean up. Instead, I created a silhouette of Ryu and the paint became the Hadouken. When he came back from suspension he had this look of defeat. Other students thought it was badass.
124. A Taste Of Your Own Medicine
When I was in my early 20s, I worked at a supermarket. I should note that I was a pretty reliable employee. I was never late, in fact I often got in early, and I rarely called in sick. At the time this happened, I had not called in sick for nine months, and even then, the manager had sent me home. Anyway this next time, I had been up all night, swinging between burning hot and freezing cold so I was obviously feverish, and I had been throwing up “at both ends” shall we say.
At one point at about 2 am I was on the toilet, with my head in the sink, utterly miserable. I must have passed out because the next thing I knew I was lifting my head off the sink and it was 7 am. I was due to start work at 12 that day but that obviously wasn't going to happen. So I called up the manager. Let's call the manager Steve. Steve was known for being a real jerk.
He never believed anyone who called in sick except his best buds (usually other managers, never lowly staff), but often called in sick himself (a lot of the time we knew it was because he was hungover and not actually sick). The conversation went as follows: Me: Hey Steve, sorry, I can't come in. I'm sick. Steve: With what? Me: I don't know. I think it might be the flu. I've been up all night being sick, and I have a fever.
Steve: Don't be stupid. If you had the flu you'd be completely knocked out. I need you in. Come in or you're fired. Me: I can't. I just told you I can't stop vomiting. I passed out. Steve: (growling angrily) Either come in or bring a doctor’s note, or you're fired! In the UK, you are allowed to self-certify for 5 days. This means you can tell your employer you are sick and you do not need a doctor’s note.
If you're sick for more than 5 days, you then need a note. It is also totally against the law to demand a doctor’s note during the self-certify period. There was just one problem. I knew this, but I was terrified. This was during the recession, and I couldn't afford to lose my job. So I got myself dressed. Almost passed out trying to do so. Then trudged to the doctor’s some 25 minutes’ walk away.
I end up sitting in the doctor's office for a little over an hour, which for walk-in was pretty good. I get in to see the doctor and she is furious at me for coming in. You're not supposed to come to the doctors when you have a cold or flu, and of course I knew I should be able to self-certify. She told me as such, saying I shouldn't be here and should have stayed at home.
I then explained what had happened with Steve and how he had threatened to fire me over this and I couldn't afford to lose my job since I was struggling as it was. My doctor’s anger transformed into something beautiful. She shifted it to my manager, then asked if I got sick pay from the company. I said yes. "He wants a sick note does he," the doctor says. "Okay. I'll give him a sick note".
Now, my manager just wanted a note confirming I was sick, but instead my doctor wrote something along the lines of this: “[My Name] has come to the surgery because Steve has insisted she come in, in spite of the fact that this against the law and all employees are allowed to self-certify. Due to being forced to make this unnecessary and highly dangerous trip when the patient is ill, has a fever of 39°C, and almost passed out in the waiting room, I am signing [my name] off for two full weeks to recover.
Had [my name] been allowed to self-certify as is the law, they might only have needed a few days, but due to straining themselves, they now require two full weeks. They are not to be permitted to work until [date 2 weeks later]". The doctor said she would have signed me off for longer but this was the longest she could do without requiring further evidence.
So basically, instead of just being off for a few days, I was now signed off for a full two weeks, and I'd be paid for it. I went to my place of work, at which point one of the duty managers saw me and asked me what the heck I was doing here, go home, I was obviously very unwell. I explained what happened. They agreed to help me downstairs to Steve's office and went with me inside.
I handed Steve the note. He looked worried and tried to say “I wasn't being serious about firing you". Well gee, when you angrily growled it down the phone it sure sounded like it. The duty manager then declared that they were going to drive me home. It was clear Steve wanted to argue but had the sense to know he shouldn't. The duty manager then drove me home, made sure I was okay, then went back to work. Then came the best part.
The duty manager then informed our union rep of what had happened. Steve had a disciplinary hearing where he was given a severe reprimand and a warning. Steve tried to argue he never said I'd be fired and I was lying and just decided to go to the doctor's, but the duty manager said they heard him admit to it when he said to me that he really didn't mean it.
I felt better after a few days and enjoyed my two weeks off, fully paid, and enjoyed the nice weather we had. Meanwhile, Steve was forced to work overtime because we were short-staffed. So thanks to the doctor, instead of being off for a few days, I ended up getting a nice two-week paid vacation, and Steve was given a final warning, all because he insisted I get a doctor’s note, and I did.
