23. All In A Name
My 9th grade English teacher tried to suspend me for not saying 'debris' the correct way.
She claimed it was pronounced 'de-briss'. So she sent me down to the principal's office with a note saying that I "willfully disagreed with her and should be suspended for disrespecting an elder".
The principal, who was already a pretty cool guy, had me sort mail for an hour. But don't worry: Karma came for her in the end. When the hour was almost up, we went back to the classroom. He interrupted her lecture on whatever it was we were studying and calmly said to her, "The word is pronounced the way he said it. Not 'de-briss'. Please remember this next time, and if you want, you can excuse yourself from this school for a week instead of your student getting suspended for a week".
She was absolutely mortified. To this day when kids who were in that class run into her, they call her Miss, or Mrs. Debriss.
24. Absurd Claims
I worked with a lady who actually believed that the "natural world" did not contain any toxins or poisons, and that the only toxins were "man-made".
I tried to explain that this wasn't true by using simple examples like heavy metals, poisonous plants, etc. but she remained staunch in her complete scientific illiteracy. She was completely unwilling to learn and listen to even the simplest concepts. She was a "true believer" in her absurd claims and no amount of information, discussion, or reasoning was going to sway her.
25. Scientific Ignorance
In the late 80s, my dad's friends—who were in their late teens/early 20s—were talking about the hole in the ozone layer. His friend jumps in and says, "It's no wonder there's a hole in it with all the rockets and shuttles they've shot through it". She was totally serious. They asked her to repeat it, hoping that she was joking. They cracked up when they realized she truly believed that.
26. Here's What's Really Going On
This girl I used to work with thought that we should stop boiling water altogether because it was going to one day "burn up the world's water supply".
I didn't really understand what she meant by that so I asked her to explain it to me as if I were an idiot. She explained that the steam that comes off of water is like the fire that would come off wood, destroying the water until it eventually "burns away", never to return.
With as much respect as I could conjure, I explained what was really going on and her reply was, "I don't think that's right so I'll have to read up on it when I get home". I really hope she did.
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27. It's Not My Fault
I live on the East Coast.
A few years ago, before taking a school trip to Canada, my mom asked how we were going to get there—"By bus? Wouldn't it take a while"?
I said, "Yes, about 8 hours", but she thought it would be more like 15.
This was due to the fact that she honestly believed Canada started at the West coast and stopped somewhere around North Dakota, and that I would have to go cross-country, and then up to Canada. I had to get an atlas out to convince her otherwise.
She said, "It's not my fault, I was taught by nuns".
28. What A Cool Question—Not
I saw a Facebook screenshot where the author was wondering something along the lines of "If shooting stars are coming to Earth, why don't they disappear from the sky"?
I facepalmed and my 29-year-old coworker asked what was wrong. When I read the quote to her, she cocked her head to the side and said in a completely serious tone, "Man, that's a really good question"!
Then I had to explain what meteorites were, starting pretty much at "Let me tell you about this thing called space..".
Good god people. Seriously.
29. You're Dreaming
My roommate was telling all of us about the dream she had from the previous night where she was "napped". We all gave her a funny look so she explained that she was taken from her house. So we corrected her saying, "You mean kidnapped"? I kinda knew what her answer was going to be, but it was still amazing: "Yeah, but I'm not a kid".
30. Not The Brightest Star
A friend of mine, a medical student at that, was somehow under the impression that the sun is visible at night as the brightest star in the night sky. I had to explain to her that the sun isn't visible at night because it's on the other side of the earth, and that's the whole idea of night.
I have no clue how more than a quarter of a century of education managed to lead up to her having that impression.
31. Granny, You're So Wrong
My grandmother thought that if you kept cooked rice for long enough, it would spontaneously transform into maggots. She was incredulous when I tried to explain otherwise, and wanted to know how I could be so sure.
32. The Truth Stuns
I had an otherwise very intelligent high school English teacher admit to the class that up until she was in her early twenties, she thought that unicorns lived in New Zealand. Apparently, that's what her parents told her as a kid. She found out the truth at a dinner—with her friends who were educators.
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33. Here's How They Work
When I was 8 or 9 years old, I was riding to the store with my mom, who happens to be a teacher. I mentioned that I needed batteries for something that could either plug into the wall or use batteries. I told her that I needed electricity away from the wall. She said that batteries didn't have electricity and that they ran stuff on some completely separate force and that electricity only came from plugs. I argued with her for a while, and at the end, she sarcastically said, "Why would I know? I didn't study electrical engineering". My dad is an electrical engineer.
34. A Baffling Concept
My Hungarian grandma—as do all people of that age in Hungary—swears by this. In the summertime when it's super hot outside, all the windows and doors must be shut at all times, lest there be a "huzat", meaning cross-air flow. Yet no one has air conditioning.
If you ever hear about deaths in Europe due to heat waves, I'm pretty sure the majority of those are people who are like my grandma and just die from overheated houses where air currents are kept down.
35. I Kid You Not
I was once talking to someone who was afraid of those "How many squares do you see"? puzzles because she thought that you could "go too deep" and it would damage your eyes and make you blind. I wish I was kidding.
36. Chemistry 101
I was in a lab with my group doing an elementary chemistry experiment during my freshman year in college. A girl in our group got very concerned for our safety when water started boiling and exclaimed, "DON'T BREATHE THAT IN—IT IS HYDROGEN"!
Apparently, she did not understand basic states of matter.
37. Birds Of A Feather...
I work in a restaurant and we don't always hire the best and brightest.
Now, this girl had already "locked" herself in a cooler—one that you push the door to get out of—so my expectations weren't high. But she still managed to top herself.
When discussing prep for the day, I was complaining about running out of chicken. She said something to the effect of "just use the turkey". I told her that it's not right to use a different meat and not tell the customer. Her reply was "Chicken and turkey come from the same animal".
I didn't even take the time to explain it to her. I don't even want to know where she thinks we get bacon from.
38. Beyond Gullible
When they were kids, my friend told his gullible, older sister that marshmallows came from trees—mallow trees—in the marshes.
He never told her that he was joking and she believed this well into adulthood.
39. Not Accurate At All
In 5th or 6th grade, I was having a conversation about space travel with a friend. She began to tell me how amazing it was that we broke through a solid layer of earth so quickly when launching. I was confused and began to explain to her that the atmosphere isn't solid. She persisted in her argument. Then suddenly, I realized what she was saying: She thought that we lived inside the earth. She even drew me a diagram to explain which consisted of a circle with stick people walking along the inside perimeter.
When she thought I didn't understand, she said, "You know, like a Wonderball".
She was so surprised to learn that we actually walk on the outside surface of the earth. She also thought gravity was like those carnival rides where you stick to the wall which is at least more accurate.
40. One Giant Misconception
I got into a conversation with one of the office secretaries who happens to be married to my boss. I made a comment about being grateful for the weather we had on this continent. She asked what I meant, so I explained mistakenly thinking that she was confused about the continent's weather. Nope, she didn't know what a continent was. She didn't in fact know that the continents were separated. She was in her mid-30s and believed that we lived on one giant land mass.
41. Face Palm Moment
My wife, who was 26 years old at the time, saw a video of a car engine exploding and was shocked that it could do so. I jokingly said, "Well—it is a combustion engine".
I got a confused look, then spent over an hour teaching her about how engines work. She assumed engines generated power by passing gasoline through it like a water mill. She blank-faced when I asked why wouldn't we just use water, and where does it then go, and wouldn't one tank last forever?
42. We're Done
A girl I was dating was complaining to me about all the ridiculous things people believed or asked when they came into her place of summer employment.
We were having a perfectly good time until I got to one of mine, and said, "Sweet, merciful Judas. People who complain about evolution being taught in schools are almost as bad as the people who think that the earth is only a few thousand years old".
She got quiet and I immediately realized why. Then I said, "So—if you don't believe in evolution, then what"?
"Oh, I believe in evolution, but I think God put us here and we have evolved slightly since then", she uttered.
Okay, whatever. One thing is okay, and eventually in school—she planned on becoming a veterinarian—she'll have to give in a bit".
Okay, that's reasonable", I only said that because she was cute, "but what about the age of the earth"?
"I don't think there's proof that it's older".
Aaand—we're done here.
43. What An Eye-Opener
I didn't know pickles were made from cucumbers until my mid-20s. I thought they were two completely different vegetables and pickles were the pickled version of that vegetable. What an illuminating trip to the Gedney factory that was.
44. Try Not To Giggle
This morning at breakfast, my best friend—who is truly an intelligent woman, explained to me that the percentages on milk cartons indicate how much of the content is actually milk. So 2%, for example, meant that 2% of the carton was milk, and 98% of it contained other liquids, such as water. I just smiled and nodded throughout her lecture and then calmly, through a tremendous giggle fit, corrected her.
45. Fairy Tale Belief
Up until the age of 21 or 22, I believed a hermit was a reclusive person who lived in a tree. Not in a treehouse, mind you, which might have been somewhat more plausible, but the hollowed-out bark of a tree. I imagined them living in the woods, in gigantic trees with a small door in the bark and no windows.
It must have been something I read as a child in a fairy tale. All I can say is that I was laughed at a lot when this somehow once came up in conversation and I innocently started talking about this theory. I have no idea what I was thinking either...
46. New Discoveries
My neighbor who lives downstairs is from India. He has been in the United States for 16 years now. He is a developer for a large corporation and makes a very good yearly income. We're good friends and we talk from time to time about life. When we talk about religion, however, I always discover something new that he has no clue about.
He once asked me why, if I believed in dinosaurs did I not then believe in God. He has also made the same remarks about galaxies after I told him that billions of galaxies exist.
Today, I informed him that the gas that powers his car comes from decomposed plants and animals from hundreds of millions of years ago. He had a good laugh and then told me that I will believe anything.
47. We Can Make An Exception
Back in the mid-90s, I was trying to purchase a part that was difficult to find for a customer of mine. I finally found a place in New Jersey that had it. When I told the woman on the phone that I needed it shipped to New Mexico, she informed me that they didn't ship out of the country. I said not OLD Mexico—NEW Mexico. She countered with, "Yes, but it's still MEXICO and we only ship inside the United States".
After a face-palm moment, I spent some time explaining that New Mexico was indeed a state, where it was located, and so on. Even after that, she said, "I've never heard of it before and I can't see why they would name a state after another country". I guess the fact that she was in a state named after part of another country escaped her.
I asked her to just check with someone else in the office. So she put me on hold for a while. But the very best part came last: When she got back on the phone she sheepishly said, "I was told that we can make an exception to our shipping policy for this order".
48. Now That's Ditzy
A close yet ditzy friend of mine once proclaimed that she didn't understand how being a weather reporter could be a job since it was so easy.
After a bit of questioning, it turns out that she thought that the weather was the same every year regardless of the actual year. So if it was sunny on the third of June, then it would be sunny on every subsequent third of June after that. She had also been using this method as a way to decide when to go on holidays. I miss that girl.
49. Check, Please
There was this girl I was "chasing after" for about three months. I didn't know her name and never saw her again around campus. Then after the third month, I saw her again and asked her out.
I was a physics student and I was telling her about the cool stuff we learned in planetary physics. She said, and I quote: "How wonderful God is. He made the sun rotate the earth, in a perfect circle".
I laughed as if it was a joke. She was truly serious. I asked for the check and left.
50. Decode This
My 23-year-old girlfriend had no idea what Roman numerals were. She was designing a poster for an event I was hosting and asked me, "What's the code for this one"?
It took me a while to figure out she was talking about the event number at the bottom of all of our posters. I tried to explain how Roman numerals work and she just said she knew what they were and refused to talk about it—until she asked what the code was again...
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