The Funniest And Most Outrageous Celebrity Roast Jokes Of All Time

The Funniest And Most Outrageous Celebrity Roast Jokes Of All Time


January 20, 2025 | Jesse Singer

The Funniest And Most Outrageous Celebrity Roast Jokes Of All Time


Roasted!

From Dean Martin to Comedy Central, celebrities have been roasting each other for decades—and these are some of the funniest and most outrageous jokes, comments, and one-liners to come from them.

Roast Best Jokes L

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Patton Oswalt To William Shatner

"Here's a paper bag, could you act your way out of this real quick?"

Patton Oswalt public speakingGage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Jeff Ross To Jonah Hill

“When Quentin Tarantino told Jonah he wanted him to be in a spaghetti Western, Jonah was like, ‘You had me at spaghetti'”.

Jeff Ross holding a microphonePhilip Bryant, Wikimedia Commons

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Milton Berle To Frank Sinatra

"Most of Frank's pals couldn't be here tonight. Half of them couldn't find time, the other half are *doing* it!"

Milton Berle Angela Cartright Rusty HamerCBS Television, Wikimedia Commons

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Amy Schumer To Charlie Sheen

“Charlie, you get a bad rap, but you're just like Bruce Willis. You know, you were big in the '80s and now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher”.

Amy Schumer as a guestAnna Hanks, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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David Spade To Rob Lowe

"It’s not easy being Rob. He said being so handsome made it difficult to find meaningful roles. I wanted to ask Brad Pitt about that, but he was too busy acting in meaningful roles".

Comedian David Spade speaking to a reporterRealTVfilms, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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George Takei To William Shatner

"My name is George Takei, not 'Takai', like you've insisted on pronouncing it for the last 40 years! Remember: Takei, like in 'toupee'".

George Takei public speakingSuper Festivals, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Milton Berle To Lucille Ball

"Lucy always relied on slapstick, pratfalls and physical comedy to make people laugh; and that was just on her honeymoon".

Milton Berle in 1949Macfadden Publications, Wikimedia Commons

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Natasha Leggero To James Franco

"James Franco: acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing — is there anything you can do?"

Natasha Leggero at Comic ConPineconewar206, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Sean Heyes To Robert DeNiro

“Robert, what is a legend like you doing at a comedy roast? Is this the same Robert DeNiro who did Little Fockers and Dirty Grandpa? Yeah, I guess it kind of makes sense. I can’t wait until someone makes an offer you can refuse”.

Actor Sean Hayes holding a shirtLG Electronics, CC BY 2.0,Wikimedia Commons

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Nikki Glaser To Tom Brady & Rob Gronkowski

“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money!’"

Nikki Glaser performing live on stage in August 2016.Lisa Gansky, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Audrey Meadows To Jackie Gleason

"You couldn't ask for a better boss than Jackie Gleason. Because if you did, he would fire you".

Gleason Honeymooners in 1965CBS-TVUploaded, Wikimedia Commons

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Hannibal Buress To Justin Bieber

“They say to roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here 'cause this is a real good opportunity for me”.

Hannibal Buress giving interviewEzmosis, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Al Franken To Chevy Chase

"No one laughed harder than Chevy when the town of Chevy Chase, Maryland tried to change its name to Not Funny, Maryland".

Al Franken public speakingIowaPolitics.com, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Sean Hayes To Alec Baldwin

“Don’t worry Alec, nothing said here tonight will be meaner than what you left on your daughter’s voicemail. Alec, sit back, unclench your fists, and I promise this’ll be the funniest thing you’ve ever been a part of that Tina Fey didn’t carry you through."

Sean Hayes in New York 2010ad454, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Payton Manning To Pete Davidson

“I just met this guy Pete Davidson backstage before the show, great guy. He asked to take a picture with me and I didn’t even realize he was one of the comedians. I told him, ‘Don’t give up kid, whatever disease you have, you can beat it’”.

Peyton Manning Broncos Ring Of FameAll-Pro Reels, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Anthony Jeselnik To Jeff Ross

"It's a sad day in the comedy world... we just lost Greg Giraldo... but even worse... we kept Jeff Ross".

Anthony Jeselnik in 2012Rooster T Feathers Comedy Club, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Snoop Dogg To Ice-T

"I tried to listen to one of Ice-T's songs on the way up here, but I don't have a cassette player in my car".

Recording artist Snoop Dogg speaks onstageTechCrunch, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Greg Giraldo To David Hasselhoff

"When alcohol does its taxes, it claims David Hasselhoff as a dependent".

Giraldo public speakingGregMan3, Wikimedia Commons

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Anthony Jeselnick To Charlie Sheen

“Charlie, you are a monster. Every moment of your life looks like the first two minutes of Law and Order SVU”.

Charlie Sheen looking in the distanceNathan Congleton, Flickr

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Anthony Jeselnick To Charlie Sheen

"Charlie, I don’t understand why you’re not grateful for what you have right now. I mean after all, the only reason you’re on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J Fox”.

Charlie Sheen in March 2009Angela George, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Mike Tyson To Jeff Ross

“During your performance, I wish I bit my own ears off”.

Mike Tyson public speakingPaula R. Lively, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Norm Macdonald To Gilbert Gottfried

"Gilbert has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, and the eye of an eagle. Ladies and gentlemen, this man is for the birds".

Norm Macdonald in orange t-shitGreg2600, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Bill Engvall To Jeff Foxworthy

“If you've shot everything but a successful TV show, you might be Jeff Foxworthy”.

Bill Engvall in 2010Chad J. McNeeley, Wikimedia Commons

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Jeff Foxworthy To Larry The Cable Guy

“People always ask me if I've seen Larry's latest movie, and I say ‘No, but I flushed a ten-dollar bill down the toilet to get the feeling I have'”.

Jeff Foxworthy At Resch CenterMidwest Communications, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Greg Giraldo To Bill Engvall

“Bill, he’s [prolific] man. He’s got seven comedy CDs out. Without Bill, Sears would have no comedy section. Seven CDs. Bill, did you ever think of just saying something unfunny without recording it?”

Bill Engvall - Here's Your SignAnirudh Koul, Flickr

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Nikki Glaser To Caitlyn Jenner

“You are such an incredible athlete. People forget how fast you once ran… from your first family to go be on a reality show”.

Nikki Glaser on The Blocks PodcastNeal Brennan, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Pete Davidson To Ludacris

“You might know Ludacris from your mom’s Now That’s What I Call Music CD”.

Pete Davidson In 2015 Greg2600, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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George Hamilton To Whitney Cummings

“Whenever I attend an event like this, my first order of business is to choose whom I will be taking home to ravish upon my water bed. Whitney Cummings. How I would make sweet love to you. But alas, I’m just an old man with perfect vision. And I suspect you might be, too”.

George Hamilton at the Lambertz Monday Night 2017.9EkieraM1, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Lisa Lampanelli To Carrot Top

“I used to think they called you Carrot Top because of your red hair. Now I know it’s because they’d love to see you buried up to your forehead in dirt”.

:Lisa Lampanelli Musto, on a party 2011David Shankbone, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt To Ed Norton

“Who could forget Ed as the Incredible Hulk? The Avengers franchise, that’s who. Let’s give him a round of applause. I know Mark Ruffalo does every night”.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt at Comic ConGage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt To Bruce Willis

“Bruce, you were so good in The Sixth Sense. How did you pretend not to care while a 10-year-old acted circles around you?”

Joseph Gordon-Levitt public speakingPunkToad, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Jeff Ross To Shaq

“Shaq your knuckles look scraped—did you walk here?”

Jeff Ross holding a microphoneDominique A. Pineiro, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Nick Kroll To Seth Rogen

"Many of you might not know this, but Seth Rogen has a writing and directing partner named Evan Goldberg. What does this other guy look like that you’re the face of the operation?"

 Nick Kroll at South by Southwest 2024Jay Dixit, CC BY 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Triumph The Insult Comic Dog To Rob Reiner

"I'm actually sorry to see you showed up tonight—I won't be getting any table scraps".

Robert Smigel and Triumph the Insult Comic DogExploring the Right Brain, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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Martha Stewart To Justin Beiber

“Let’s get to the reason I’m here tonight, which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. I’ve been in lockup and you wouldn’t last a week, so pay attention. The first thing you’ll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pin tail comb and a pack of gum. It’s so simple. I found Bubbalicious works best and it’s so much fun to say".

Martha Stewart speaking at the 2019 Maricopa Home and Garden ShowGage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

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