The Funniest And Most Outrageous Celebrity Roast Jokes Of All Time

Roasted!

From Dean Martin to Comedy Central, celebrities have been roasting each other for decades—and these are some of the funniest and most outrageous jokes, comments, and one-liners to come from them.

Patton Oswalt To William Shatner

"Here's a paper bag, could you act your way out of this real quick?"

Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Jeff Ross To Jonah Hill

“When Quentin Tarantino told Jonah he wanted him to be in a spaghetti Western, Jonah was like, ‘You had me at spaghetti'”.

Philip Bryant, Wikimedia Commons

Milton Berle To Frank Sinatra

"Most of Frank's pals couldn't be here tonight. Half of them couldn't find time, the other half are *doing* it!"

CBS Television, Wikimedia Commons

Amy Schumer To Charlie Sheen

“Charlie, you get a bad rap, but you're just like Bruce Willis. You know, you were big in the '80s and now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher”.

Anna Hanks, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

David Spade To Rob Lowe

"It’s not easy being Rob. He said being so handsome made it difficult to find meaningful roles. I wanted to ask Brad Pitt about that, but he was too busy acting in meaningful roles".

RealTVfilms, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

George Takei To William Shatner

"My name is George Takei, not 'Takai', like you've insisted on pronouncing it for the last 40 years! Remember: Takei, like in 'toupee'".

Super Festivals, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Milton Berle To Lucille Ball

"Lucy always relied on slapstick, pratfalls and physical comedy to make people laugh; and that was just on her honeymoon".

Macfadden Publications, Wikimedia Commons

Natasha Leggero To James Franco

"James Franco: acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing — is there anything you can do?"

Pineconewar206, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

Sean Heyes To Robert DeNiro

“Robert, what is a legend like you doing at a comedy roast? Is this the same Robert DeNiro who did Little Fockers and Dirty Grandpa? Yeah, I guess it kind of makes sense. I can’t wait until someone makes an offer you can refuse”.

LG Electronics, CC BY 2.0,Wikimedia Commons

Nikki Glaser To Tom Brady & Rob Gronkowski

“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money!’"

Lisa Gansky, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Audrey Meadows To Jackie Gleason

"You couldn't ask for a better boss than Jackie Gleason. Because if you did, he would fire you".

CBS-TVUploaded, Wikimedia Commons

Hannibal Buress To Justin Bieber

“They say to roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here 'cause this is a real good opportunity for me”.

Ezmosis, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Al Franken To Chevy Chase

"No one laughed harder than Chevy when the town of Chevy Chase, Maryland tried to change its name to Not Funny, Maryland".

IowaPolitics.com, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Sean Hayes To Alec Baldwin

“Don’t worry Alec, nothing said here tonight will be meaner than what you left on your daughter’s voicemail. Alec, sit back, unclench your fists, and I promise this’ll be the funniest thing you’ve ever been a part of that Tina Fey didn’t carry you through."

ad454, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Payton Manning To Pete Davidson

“I just met this guy Pete Davidson backstage before the show, great guy. He asked to take a picture with me and I didn’t even realize he was one of the comedians. I told him, ‘Don’t give up kid, whatever disease you have, you can beat it’”.

All-Pro Reels, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Anthony Jeselnik To Jeff Ross

"It's a sad day in the comedy world... we just lost Greg Giraldo... but even worse... we kept Jeff Ross".

Rooster T Feathers Comedy Club, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Snoop Dogg To Ice-T

"I tried to listen to one of Ice-T's songs on the way up here, but I don't have a cassette player in my car".

TechCrunch, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Greg Giraldo To David Hasselhoff

"When alcohol does its taxes, it claims David Hasselhoff as a dependent".

GregMan3, Wikimedia Commons

Anthony Jeselnick To Charlie Sheen

“Charlie, you are a monster. Every moment of your life looks like the first two minutes of Law and Order SVU”.

Nathan Congleton, Flickr

Anthony Jeselnick To Charlie Sheen

"Charlie, I don’t understand why you’re not grateful for what you have right now. I mean after all, the only reason you’re on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J Fox”.

Angela George, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Mike Tyson To Jeff Ross

“During your performance, I wish I bit my own ears off”.

Paula R. Lively, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Norm Macdonald To Gilbert Gottfried

"Gilbert has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, and the eye of an eagle. Ladies and gentlemen, this man is for the birds".

Greg2600, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Bill Engvall To Jeff Foxworthy

“If you've shot everything but a successful TV show, you might be Jeff Foxworthy”.

Chad J. McNeeley, Wikimedia Commons

Jeff Foxworthy To Larry The Cable Guy

“People always ask me if I've seen Larry's latest movie, and I say ‘No, but I flushed a ten-dollar bill down the toilet to get the feeling I have'”.

Midwest Communications, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Greg Giraldo To Bill Engvall

“Bill, he’s [prolific] man. He’s got seven comedy CDs out. Without Bill, Sears would have no comedy section. Seven CDs. Bill, did you ever think of just saying something unfunny without recording it?”

Anirudh Koul, Flickr

Nikki Glaser To Caitlyn Jenner

“You are such an incredible athlete. People forget how fast you once ran… from your first family to go be on a reality show”.

Neal Brennan, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Pete Davidson To Ludacris

“You might know Ludacris from your mom’s Now That’s What I Call Music CD”.

Greg2600, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

George Hamilton To Whitney Cummings

“Whenever I attend an event like this, my first order of business is to choose whom I will be taking home to ravish upon my water bed. Whitney Cummings. How I would make sweet love to you. But alas, I’m just an old man with perfect vision. And I suspect you might be, too”.

9EkieraM1, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Lisa Lampanelli To Carrot Top

“I used to think they called you Carrot Top because of your red hair. Now I know it’s because they’d love to see you buried up to your forehead in dirt”.

David Shankbone, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons

Joseph Gordon-Levitt To Ed Norton

“Who could forget Ed as the Incredible Hulk? The Avengers franchise, that’s who. Let’s give him a round of applause. I know Mark Ruffalo does every night”.

Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Joseph Gordon-Levitt To Bruce Willis

“Bruce, you were so good in The Sixth Sense. How did you pretend not to care while a 10-year-old acted circles around you?”

PunkToad, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Jeff Ross To Shaq

“Shaq your knuckles look scraped—did you walk here?”

Dominique A. Pineiro, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Nick Kroll To Seth Rogen

"Many of you might not know this, but Seth Rogen has a writing and directing partner named Evan Goldberg. What does this other guy look like that you’re the face of the operation?"

Jay Dixit, CC BY 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog To Rob Reiner

"I'm actually sorry to see you showed up tonight—I won't be getting any table scraps".

Exploring the Right Brain, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons

Martha Stewart To Justin Beiber

“Let’s get to the reason I’m here tonight, which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. I’ve been in lockup and you wouldn’t last a week, so pay attention. The first thing you’ll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pin tail comb and a pack of gum. It’s so simple. I found Bubbalicious works best and it’s so much fun to say".

Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons